By Isa Jones
By Mary Willson
By Brian Turk
By Drew AIles
By Taylor Boylston
By Bree Davies
By Emerald O'Brien
If so, Ted will be one busy guitar god. He's going to tour throughout the remainder of this year and most of next in support of Spirit of the Wild, a solo album to be released by Atlantic Records this fall. He plans to continue editing and publishing Adventure Outdoors, the official magazine (circulation: 75,000) of Ted Nugent World Bowhunters Inc., an organization he founded. And he is set to make dozens of public appearances in support of the Ted Nugent Kamp for Kids, the Ted Nugent Bowhunting School, the Ted Nugent Archers Africa Safari, the National Rifle Association and just about any group that promotes Ted Nugent's brand of environmentalism and conservation--a de facto religion based largely on the premise that shooting and killing large game animals is good, and good for you.
At the same time, Nugent (whose rep took a big hit in some quarters because he spent much of the Eighties in Damn Yankees, a bland rock band featuring the reprehensible Styx veteran Tommy Shaw) has become a sought-after conservative spokesman. He recently served as a panel member on Politically Incorrect on the Comedy Central cable channel and has turned up as a guest on radio programs hosted by Limbaugh and practically every other right-of-center yakker with regular access to a microphone. He views his sudden popularity among these types as both a career opportunity and a vindication of his way of thinking. "Have you ever heard of the pendulum swinging?" he asks. "Have you ever heard of the people forcing their views back into the mainstream? That's what we're experiencing, and I couldn't be happier. Why do you think these network guys are scratching their heads with fucking cheese graters trying to figure out what the fuck I am? Because I am the pulse of America. This is not a Ted thing, this is not a Rush thing, this is not a Ken Hamblin thing. This is an America thing."
So what are the American people really thinking about the hot topics of the day? Nugent knows.
About Haiti: "We should put razor wire around our borders and give the finger to any piece of shit who wants to come here."
About the change of leadership in North Korea: "If Korea is a threat, squash them. If they appear to be developing a threat, squash them."
About Bill Clinton: "Americans hate Bill Clinton. We hate what he represents. We are insulted by his un-American, socialistic viewpoints and his attempts to shove socialist policy up our ass."
About Hillary Clinton: "You probably can't use the term `toxic cunt' in your magazine, but that's what she is. Her very existence insults the spirit of individualism in this country. This bitch is nothing but a two-bit whore for Fidel Castro."
About national health care: "The government must stay out of my life. If there are weenies who are in the liability column of our nation, tough shit."
About Social Security: "To be forced to have a Social Security number in this country is illegal. It's against the Constitution. I can't tell you the specific language, but I reviewed it, and I know it's illegal. The clusterfuck that is Social Security insults people who work hard for their living."
About the alleged left-wing slant of the media: "Oh, you mean the overt epidemic of socialist, communist journalism in this country? It's so embarrassing and inept that I don't know whether to throw up or laugh."
Nugent doesn't adhere to the hard-right party line on every issue. For instance, he has supported the concept of euthanasia ever since the death of his mother, who he says went from "a 175-pound queen of the forest who inspired every moment of my life to an 80-pound, frail, diseased, cancer-riddled victim." He believes in a woman's right to choose to have an abortion: "No one can decide that for someone. I consider it preposterous that some people think they should be able to." He even stands up for homosexuals, in a manner of speaking. "I don't care if you want to warm up a vat of peanut butter and have a goat piss in it and do a swan dive into it," he says. "But don't splash it on me, motherfucker."