By Brad Lopez
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As for drug laws, Nugent would liberalize them--sort of. "I am militantly against the poisoning of senses," he insists, "but I'm not going to dictate what you do. However, you get behind the wheel of a car stoned on dope and crash and it's life in prison, cocksucker. By the same token, should a kid going to a Grateful Dead concert who's caught with sugar-cube-encrusted LSD go to prison for life with no parole? Of course not. But should that guy get caned? Yeah. And should he go to prison in an overcrowded cell where a huge, unclean black man will fuck him in the ass every night? Yeah. Now, that sounds cruel, doesn't it? Well, tough fucking shit. These fucking liabilities in our country have had the run of things, but that's over. Over."
As he waits for this brave new world to be born, Nugent insists that he still has time to rock and roll. "I am the funniest white man in America, so you might as well enjoy me," he announces. "When I hit the stage or get on the radio, I'm an entertainer--and I'm one alive son of a bitch. I'm running on all twelve cylinders. I'm fortunate that I'm able to put my whole heart and soul into endeavors that I genuinely crave. I crave rock and roll, I crave hunting, I crave spending time with my family. I'm just lucky that I get to do the breaststroke in the white-water rapids of all my most exciting, adventurous, desirable zones."
Musically, the Nuge says, that means he's going back to the wild, untamed, sexually rampant themes that made him a legend with horny high school students from coast to coast. There'll be no concessions to the age of sensitivity from him. And if you're a woman who feels that his lyrics to ditties such as the immortal "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang" are sexist, Nugent says, "Fuck you and go to a Garth Brooks show. Kiss my dog's dead, diseased, rotting ass. If you don't have a sense of humor, you're not allowed in Ted's world. I don't objectify women. I'd like to think that I'm optimizing their hardware.
"I'm not afraid to speak my piece, and I think I have some stuff that really has to be said. I'm not running for office. I'm running for America."
Ted Nugent, with Lynyrd Skynyrd and Pride & Glory. 6 p.m. Tuesday, August 2, Fiddler's Green, $21-$25, 290-