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STRANGE BUT TRUE

DRIBBLES AND BITS AND BITS AND BITS.

They Got the Drops on Him
Detectives discerned a pattern in a series of Lakewood break-ins: The burglar always urinated on the floor before leaving. A police spokeswoman said it was apparently an involuntary nervous reaction on the part of the suspect.

The Mice That Roared
Union officials sent employees at the Federal Aviation Administration flight service station in Eagle home after finding mouse droppings on the floor. The labor representatives said they feared the deadly hantavirus.

Take Two and Call Me in the Morning
A Denver therapist was sued by a woman who alleged that the mental-health worker encouraged the patient to have three-way sex with her and her husband. The menage a trois reportedly was part of a therapy regimen designed to cure the patient of her fear of men.

Raising the Woof
Authorities continued to put the collar on a Lakewood man charged with cruelty to animals after police responding to a report of a barking dog found him standing at his backyard fence barking at his neighbor's dog.

They Disappeared Upon a Midnight Clear
Thieves stole two strands of Christmas lights, a wooden candy cane and a plastic Santa from the roof of a Jefferson County home.

Check...and Mate
A 24-year-old Fort Collins man was shot and killed at his own birthday party after he got into an argument over a game of chess.

He Aimed to Please
A Boulder County sheriff's sergeant resigned after being accused of fondling a female officer at the shooting range.

And the Hits Just Keep on Coming
A Broomfield woman was arrested for hiring an undercover cop she met in a shopping-center parking lot to kill her husband.

A 52-year-old Akron farmer was arrested after allegedly asking Colorado Bureau of Investigation agents to kill his wife for $25,000.

A teenage boy and girl from Arvada were arrested for allegedly hiring an undercover officer to kill the girl's father. After offering the hit man $200, the couple decided they could save money by doing the job themselves and offered to swap hallucinogenic mushrooms for the officer's gun.

The teenage daughter of a Glendale city councilman and her twenty-year-old husband were arrested after allegedly plotting to kill the girl's parents for the life insurance. The couple asked a friend they knew to do the job, but he didn't believe they were serious. At the would-be hit man's request, the girl went to his apartment and performed a sex act to convince him she meant business. For the same reason, her husband ran naked around the man's apartment complex. Said the hired gun, who later tipped off police, "I was just sitting on my balcony laughing at him."

A 28-year-old Johnstown woman accused of attempting to pay an undercover officer to impale her ex-husband on a stick of dynamite asked a judge to lower her bail so she could get out of jail and compete in a roller-skating competition.

See Ya Later, Alligator
A Colorado Springs woman allegedly shoplifted a foot-long alligator from a pet store by spiriting the reptile out in a 7-Eleven Big Gulp cup.

Mallard Aforethought
Denver police responding to a disturbance call found a man who told them two unidentified assailants had beaten him with a brass duck.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Authorities found a sixty-year-old Aurora man dead of a heart attack in his trailer home--surrounded by 186 live canaries. Said an animal-care officer, "It was like something out of an Alfred Hitchcock movie."

The Old Gray Mare Ain't What She Used to Be
A twenty-year-old horse was rescued by crane after it fell into a septic tank.
Deliverance

Federal authorities traced the discovery of several hundred pieces of mail scattered along country roads in Weld and Adams counties to a postal employee who had resigned earlier in the week.

He Was a Member of the Sue Tribe
During a re-enactment of an Old West battle near the town of Las Animas, a cavalry soldier accidentally shot an Indian in the leg with a real bullet. The Indian, a pharmacist from Austin, Texas, sued the cowboy, asking for more than $50,000 in damages.

They're Waiting for Him to Crash
A Kansas man charged with ramming his car into a Mesa County woman's vehicle couldn't be arraigned because he remained high on drugs the morning after his arrest. "He's obviously hooked on more than pho-nics," said a county judge before postponing the advisement hearing.

What's in a Name?
Boulder sheriff's officers arrested Rowdy Ray Valdez of Frederick on first-degree murder charges.

Pueblo physician Harvey McClung, a lung specialist, headed an effort to stop tobacco-industry sponsorship of state-fair concerts.

A gag-gift book detailing the flaccid state of affairs at Denver International Airport was released by real-life Denver resident Ellen Cockshoot.

Lakewood police questioned the taste of eighteen-year-old Littleton stripper Chelsea Wunderlich after she allegedly took off her top for a trio of underage boys.

The Reverend Russell Miracle of Palisade was among three people charged with causing minor injuries to a woman during an attempted exorcism in Montrose. As part of a plea bargain, Miracle agreed to put any future exorcisms he might perform on videotape.

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