Irony man: Why try? Satirical author Mark Leyner probably does it most accurately--in the introduction to his new book of short pieces, Tooth Imprints on a Corn Dog, he describes himself as the "cream-soda-swilling, crotch-scratching, irascible, coughing-up-indigestible-bits-of-grizzle-from-some-meat-on-a-stick, surly, greasy, overalls-over-candy-colored-latex-mini-kimono (my work uniform when I'm in the throes of a novel or a play), don't-bother-me-till-halftime kind of guy that society has made me." 'Nuff said. Leyner will have you in stitches when he reads hilarious bits with names like "Young Bergdorf Goodman Brown" tonight at the Boulder Book Store, 1107 Pearl St., Boulder (447-2074), and tomorrow at the Tattered Cover LoDo, 1628 16th St. (436-1070). Then pick yourself off the floor and let Leyner sign you a copy of the book. Both events begin at 7:30 p.m.
Thursday March 16 If I were a Richman: For one thing, you'd never grow old. Like Jonathan Richman, you'd remain goofy forever. The native Bostonite, who weaned himself off Beantown in late-'60s Manhattan--with a steady diet of the Velvet Underground--went on to form the Modern Lovers, one of those bands that are whispered about for centuries after they've broken up. They were sloppy and funny and, most of all, they were the perfect foil for Richman's heady, ingenuously structured songs like "Roadrunner" and "Pablo Picasso." Now a solo act, and over forty to boot, Richman still encourages you to decide whether he's childlike or childish. Never-Never Land hits the Bluebird Theater, 3317 E. Colfax Ave., tonight at 8. Tickets are $10 to $12; call 322-2308.
Eat your serial: Chameleon Stage has previously produced plays in parking lots and meadows. Now they're back with The Marmotville Chronicles, a five-episode series to be staged--well, how's this for a twist?--indoors at the Mercury Cafe, 2199 California St. The play, which takes place in a small, fictional Colorado town (the kind of town that seems to have been beamed down from planet Twin Peaks), is the workshop creation of five playwrights and will be performed in five installments on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays at 7, beginning tonight and continuing weekly through April 22. The Chameleons will wrap up on April 29, when they'll do the whole thing in marathon form, between noon and 7 p.m. Tickets are $9 for single performances ($1 discount for additional episodes or $25 in advance for all five episodes) or $20 for the marathon only; for information call 595-5668.
Friday March 17 Something in the Eire: Feeling green around the gills? It must be St. Patrick's Day, and there are plenty of ways to celebrate--with or without that ubiquitous, flowing green beer. Austin's boogie-woogie piano princess Marcia Ball will cure your rockin' pneumonia when she pumps the pedals at the Fox Theatre, 1135 13th St., Boulder, tonight at 9. For tickets, $10.50 in advance ($12.60 day of show), call 447-0095 or 830-TIXS. Hardly Irish but certainly no blarney, George Clinton & the P-Funk All Stars put on the ultimate tribal funk-fest, beginning at 9 at the Ogden Theatre, 935 E. Colfax. Call 830-2525 or 444-SEAT; tickets are $22. (Clinton moves to the Fox on March 18 and 19; tix are $31.) The Colorado Symphony Orchestra offers more traditional fare when it performs with Irish folk group The Cassidys, who'll bring their bouzoukis and bodhrans in tow. Green beer, corned beef and cabbage, and Irish dancing begin the evening at 6, in the lobby at Boettcher Hall, 14th and Curtis in the Plex; the concert begins inside at 7:30. Tix range from $4 to $33; call 986-8742. More Irish music mixes with art and potent Black and Tans at Pirate: A Contemporary Art Oasis, 3659 Navajo St., where folks'll be partying from 7 to 10 while viewing Here and There, the gallery's annual Irish and Irish-American art exhibition. Pirateers suggest a $3 donation at the door; call 458-6058.
One sings, the other doesn't: While St. Paddy's revelries seem to rule the night, a concert more befitting of Valentine's Day takes place at the Boulder Theater, 2030 14th St., Boulder. Tuck & Patti, an uncategorizable Bay Area-based duo, subtly impress fans with their finesse--expressed by Tuck Andress's unbelievably deft guitar technique and Patti Cathcart's moving, jazz-hooked vocals. The husband-and-wife team performs tonight at 7:30; for tickets, $17.30 in advance ($18.40 day of show), call 786-7030 or 830-TIXS.
Saturday March 18 Not just another line: Participants in The World's Longest Line Dance and Hoe Down had better hope the Stampede Mesquite Grill & Dance Emporium, where the event is to be held, has one long dance floor. Why? They'll all be there to learn a new country line dance called "The Honk," and once they do, they'll be lining up for miles hoping--along with others across the nation--to catch a mention in the Guinness Book of World Records. Admission is $10 (kids ten and under free) and proceeds benefit the United Cerebral Palsy Association of Denver. Click your cowboy boots or bid at the silent auction from 1 to 7 this afternoon. The Stampede is located at Havana and Parker Rd.; for details call 355-7337.