MIX AND MATCH

HOW TO PICK THE PERFECT SUMMER CONCERT FOR YOU.

Fun fact: Gregg Allman had a long-term relationship with a teen porn star, who subsequently committed suicide.

Watch for... vomit to rush down the aisles like a tidal wave.

Amy Grant, with Michael W. Smith. July 16, Red Rocks.
Last good album: Are you kidding?
Target audience: The same folks who enjoy Up With People. And Rush Limbaugh.

Fun fact: On this tour, Grant will not be covering any Nine Inch Nails songs or appearing nude.

Watch for... a big run on those new Promise Keepers Bibles.

BOYZ II MEN, with Mary J. Blige. August 3, Fiddler's Green.
Last good album: They're 0 for 2 so far.
Target audience: Just-minted teenage girls proud that they can fill out a training bra.

Fun fact: The Boyz say that after their concerts, they go home alone and pray. Yeah, sure.

Watch for... the boyfriends whose dates drag them to this show to spend two hours at the concession stand.

Lyle Lovett and His Acoustic Quintet, with Shawn Colvin. August 9, Red Rocks.
Last good album: Last year's I Love Everybody.
Target audience: Anyone who thought Julia Roberts was lucky to land such a dreamy, big-haired lug.

Fun fact: Just prior to the Lovett-Roberts breakup, Lyle was photographed coming out of a hotel with willowy Bob Roberts co-star Kelly Willis. Shed no tears for him.

Watch for... Lovett to avoid covering "Pretty Woman."

Steve Miller Band and the Doobie Brothers, August 16, Red Rocks.
Last good album: Book of Dreams (1977) and The Captain and Me (1973), respectively.

Target audience: Fans who think that "Fly Like an Eagle" is deep.
Fun fact: Miller is expected to play a Red Rocks date annually until at least the year 2030.

Watch for... the same drunks you saw sitting beside you at last year's Steve Miller show. And the one before that. And the one before that.

Legends of Motown, featuring the Temptations, the Four Tops, the Spinners and more. August 18, Fiddler's Green.

Last good album: Do reissues of greatest-hits albums count?
Target audience: Baby-boomers who've memorized every line of dialogue from The Big Chill.

Fun fact: Some original members of these groups are tentatively scheduled to appear.

Watch for... the musicians to fight over who gets to use the oxygen tank first.

Peter, Paul & Mary. August 19, Fiddler's Green.
Last good album: I'll check with my parents and get back to you.
Target audience: My parents.

Fun fact: I was able to get to song three of the trio's new album, (LifeLines), before nodding off.

Watch for... screaming guitar solos, flash pots and a laser-light display. Just kidding.

KOSI Copacabana Concert, featuring the Village People, Sister Sledge, Thelma Houston and the original Trammps. August 26, Fiddler's Green.

Last good album: Macho Man (1978) was kinda funny.
Target audience: The same people who wanted to burn records by these groups in 1979--and the dudes who still own coke-spoon necklaces.

Fun fact: The 1980 Village People movie Can't Stop the Music co-starred Bruce Jenner and was directed by Nancy Walker, who played Ida Morgenstern on Rhoda.

Watch for... half the attendees to rip out the crotches of their polyester pants.

The Cranberries, with Toad the Wet Sprocket. August 27, Red Rocks.
Last good album: I don't mind early Sinead O'Connor. Does that count?
Target audience: Ticket buyers who think the Peak plays alternative music.

Fun fact: Dolores O'Riordan was allowed to wear clothes on the cover of Rolling Stone, but only because she had no bra beneath her clingy top and her breast could be photographed in profile.

Watch for... dullness on a cosmic scale.

Santana and Jeff Beck. August 30, Fiddler's Green.
Last good album: Amigos (1976) and Blow By Blow (1975), respectively.
Target audience: Males who haven't noticed that guitar necks are phallic symbols.

Fun fact: Beck and Jeff Beck are two completely different people.
Watch for... Beck to drop off this tour long before it reaches Denver.

Sheryl Crow. September 4, Red Rocks.
Last good album: Tuesday Night Music Club really hits home with champions of mid-Seventies Linda Ronstadt.

Target audience: Those impressed that Crow once worked as a background singer for Don Henley.

Fun fact: Crow's contribution to the pointless Led Zeppelin tribute disc Encomium is the worst Zep cover of all time.

Watch for... Crow to run out of material after about thirty minutes.

Tony Bennett, with the Colorado Symphony Orchestra. September 7, Fiddler's Green.

Last good album: Last year's MTV Unplugged.
Target audience: People who didn't see this year's Super Bowl halftime extravaganza.

Fun fact: Flea, of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, reminds Tony of Jimmy Durante.
Watch for... the oldest performer on the current summer schedule to put on one of the best shows. Go figure.

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