DIAL "M" FOR MEDIOCRE

Commercials: Twelve. Since the station is located in Windsor, most of these tout businesses in Fort Collins and Greeley.

Worst moment: Gary and Todd discussing the genius of corny comedian Jeff Foxworthy.

KGLL-FM/96.1 (May 9)
Slogan: "The Eagle." (We don't know what it means, either.)
DJs: Mark McColl, supplemented by Uncle Phil Walker, who delivers news and weather (Walker also appears mornings on station KTRR-FM, where he is not identified as "Uncle." Must be a country thing.) And doing the sports is past and future Broncos receiver Vance Johnson. Really.

Songs: Five, with Ty Herndon's single and Shenandoah's dopey "Darned If I Don't (Danged If I Do)" among them. McColl doesn't bother to identify any of them; apparently, you're not supposed to care.

Commercials: Six.
Contests: A woman from Fort Collins is given a chance to win a two-day pass to Crystal Rapids.

Worst moment: Johnson stumbling and fumbling during his pre-recorded sports report.

KLMO-AM/1060 (May 4)
Slogan: None that's mentioned.
DJs: Mike Gillispie, who couldn't be more nondescript if he tried.

Songs: Seven--the most of any Denver country station monitored. Too bad almost all of them are awful. Prime offenders: Sawyer Brown's torturous "I Don't Believe in Goodbye" and cliche parades by Wade Hayes, John Michael Montgomery and Toby Keith.

Commercials: Just one, for a Longmont jeweler. Could this station be changing formats soon?

Contests: None.
Worst moment: A worst moment would have been an improvement.

KYGO-AM/1600 (May 5)
Slogan: "Your Official Station for Classic Country" and "The Only Station in Colorado Playing Five Decades of Your Country Favorites." Both of which are true.

DJs: Chuck St. John, supplemented by news guy Doug Olipra. St. John is a bit excitable but generally doesn't overdo it.

Songs: Four--but they're the four most memorable country tunes we heard. As the airing of Patsy Cline's "Crazy" and George Strait's "Drink a Little Champagne" indicates, the station mixes the best country hits from the past with the finest contemporary stuff--and the combination works.

Commercials: Eight.
Contests: A woman celebrating her birthday is given tickets for a dinner and a show at Heritage Square Music Hall.

Worst moment: Having to listen to the other country stations in town.

CHRISTIAN
Although most heathens don't realize it, Denver's seven Christian stations make up more than fifteen percent of the area market. Five of them are quite similar; they supplement other material with canned programming produced by ministries seemingly determined to shake down listeners for their every penny. But one music station is much more intriguing--and much more sophisticated.

KRKS-AM/990 (May 3)
DJ: Dick Puter, who is heard for about one of these thirty minutes.
Who's asking for your money: Norm Nelson of Paramount, California, whose platform, The Morning Chapel Hour, focuses on what you should do when you're "in the pit." He urges listeners to be "as generous as you can" and notes that he accepts Visa and MasterCard. Also featured: Family News in Focus from Colorado Springs' Focus on the Family.

KRKS-FM/94.7 (May 8)
DJ: Victor Cooper. His job is mainly to introduce other shows.
Who's asking for your money: Anaheim, California's own Chuck Swindoll, of Insight for Living. In today's episode, "A Shocking Agenda," Swindoll (it's not pronounced "swindle") claims that Christ's teachings "rest on historic truth," and he suggests that listeners make a commitment to "monthly giving." Also featured: two commercials played on either side of the main commercial.

KQXI-AM/1550 (May 5)
DJ: Rochelle Mitchell. Her big moment is reading a ten-second weather update.
Who's asking for your money: Dr. Mitch Hansen, from A New Way of Life in Redlands, California. He's a Christian counselor who lets you know you can order "a cassette transcription" of his show. Also fond of your wallet is Dr. Spiros Zodhiates, whose Chattanooga, Tennessee, program is called New Testament Light Daily. In addition, a spokesman for an Aurora auto shop commercial reveals to kids that it's okay to say no to drugs.

KPOF-AM/910 (May 2)
DJ: Pat LaPlante, who says that KPOF is "Your Station for Family Inspiration."
Who's asking for your money: Nobody directly, but Cal Thomas, from Washington, D.C., does deliver a screed opposing the nomination of Dr. Henry Foster for surgeon general. But the majority of the half-hour is dominated by music--drippy, orchestral pieces, churchy hymns and Christian-housewife pop like Annie Chapman's "Labor of My Heart." There's also a promo for a talk show featuring Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family.

KWBI-FM/91.1 (May 5)
DJ: Roy Hanschke, a fairly traditional radio host with a smooth, likable manner.

Who's asking for your money: Former Watergate conspirator Chuck Colson of Prison Fellowship Ministries. He thinks it will be difficult to legislate a more virtuous America. In addition, there's a "`Men of Action' radio highlight" provided by Bill McCartney's Promise Keepers. Hanschke also introduces traffic reports, updates the weather conditions and broadcasts six songs, most of which would drive anyone under fifty to start searching for some cyanide.