STRANGE BUT TRUE

THINGS YOU DID IN DENVER WHILE YOU WERE STOPPED DEAD IN TRAFFIC ON THE WAY TO DIA.

Red in the Face
The City of Aurora apologized after printing a community-services directory for Vietnamese immigrants whose cover featured the flag of the Communist government many of the same people had fled from in terror.

I Found It!
The Christian Booksellers Convention in Denver featured such items as Jesus toenail clippers, Angel erasers, "Taste of Heaven Jelly Beans" and a "Post Rapture Milk Carton" that included the words, "Have you seen these people?"

They Were Teed Off
A Lafayette couple sought an injunction against the Indian Peaks golf course after alleging that their $500,000 home near the eighteenth hole was being "bombarded by golf balls."

Basket Case
Organizers of the America's Challenge balloon race in New Mexico took first prize away from a Colorado team because the group had bumped into too many other balloons during the race and accidentally dropped an oxygen tank during lift-off.

Different Strokes
Officials closed Boulder's Spruce Pool after swimmers complained that white paint from the sides of the pool was sticking to their skin and bathing suits. Authorities said the pool apparently had been filled before the paint dried.

DIA Diary, Part One
"United...uh...367 going around. There's somebody on the runway."--Pilot of a United Airlines jet who saw a DIA work truck beaaneath his plane while attempting to land during an October 23 snowstorm.

"Are we getting someone out there to chase this guy off?"--Exasperated DIA air-traffic controller.

Bagging the Limit
After two hunters died in shooting accidents within the first two weeks of hunting season, state authorities sought to allay fears by noting that, in the old days, Colorado commonly lost an average of sixteen to seventeen hunters per year.

Is That a Piece of Plutonium in Your Pocket or Are You Just Glad to See Me?
A Colorado State University professor made plans to finally conduct tests on the sex organs of people who had died while living near the Rocky Flats nuclear bomb factory. The private parts had been saved in a freezer in New Mexico since the mid-1970s but were never tested for radiation because of a lack of funds. The professor said he wanted to test the tissue because he had come across unanswered questions while studying the urine of people living near the plant.

Give That Man a Hand
After his right thumb was severed when his horse stepped on it during the saddle-bronc riding competition at the National Western Rodeo, cowboy Robert Etbauer calmly picked up the digit and walked out of the arena. A spokesman for the Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association told the Associated Press that Etbauer later described the incident as "the dangdest thing."

Our Robbers, Ourselves
The Women's Bank in downtown Denver was held up by an armed woman.
That's Nothing Compared With the Cost of Wiping Up That Grey Poupon Spill

Federal officials estimated the cost of destroying tons of mustard gas still stored at the Pueblo Depot Activity at $953 million.

Mutiny on the Bounties
A Norwood man whose underage daughters found the bones of a missing Grand Junction woman complained when he didn't receive the $50,000 reward offered for information on her whereabouts.

The brother-in-law of the man who confessed to killing U-Haul heiress Eva Berg Shoen five years ago in Telluride sued in San Miguel County Court, demanding that Shoen's family come through with a $250,000 reward it had offered for information leading to the killer.

DIA Diary, Part Two
"May I have your attention. MarkAir has gone bankrupt and we are out of business. You are advised to collect your baggage at Carousel 19."--Public-address announcement when the discount airline, down to two planes, folded October 24.

Someone to Watch Over You
An Arapahoe County man was arrested after his Swedish au pairs discovered he had installed a secret camera to videotape them in the bathroom of his home. Police investigators faced the daunting prospect of viewing 350 hours of videotape to see who else might have been caught in the act.

A 53-year-old landlord in Eldorado Springs was sent to prison for installing a two-way mirror through which he spied on female tenants. His punishment included erecting a sign in front of his rental units reading, "No female renters allowed by Judge Thomas Reed."

US West fired several employees after an investigation revealed that the workers were listening in on the phone calls of unsuspecting customers.

In an attempt to prove an ethnic intimidation lawsuit, Evergreen's Aronson family, using a scanner, taped so many private phone conversations by their neighbors the Quigleys--including talks between the Quigleys' young son and his grandfather--that the transcripts consumed 1,200 pages.

Lone Steer State
A teenage driver trying to splash water on fans at an Aurora soccer game lost control of his car and plowed into the stands, injuring four people.

After a Fort Collins woman left her station wagon running while she ducked into a convenience store, her two-year-old daughter put the car in gear, driving it through the store's front window.

...And a Free Ticket to The Accidental Tourist
After the State Armory bar in Greeley discarded a green Mylar ballon used in a St. Patrick's Day celebration, the balloon floated to Arkansas, where a fisherman found a sales receipt attached to the string and mailed it back. Bar manager Dan Hagemeister told the man he'd buy him a beer if he ever came to Greeley.

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