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THE APPELLATIONS OF OUR EYE

While you're up, here's the All-Sports-Bar Team: John Boozer, Pedro Borbon, Clarence Beers (a close friend, no doubt, of Ed Pabst, Bob Miller and Germany Schaefer), Jack Daniels, Bobby Wine, Norm Sherry, Brandy Davis (Pirates, 1952-53), Juice Latham, Gene Schott, Harmon Killebrew, Johnny Lush (Phils and Cards, 1904-10) and the last name you'll ever hear if you keep playing along: Mickey Finn.

Quick. Name the All-Food Team.
There you go. Darryl Strawberry, Coot Veal, Chili Davis, Oyster Burns, Bill Peppers and Spud Davis. And, in the essential-grains department, Jim Rice, Zack Wheat and Johnny Oates. Don't forget Billy Beane. Care for some dessert? Cookie Lavagetto. Pie Traynor. Ken Berry. And leave some room for our personal favorite: Mark Lemongello.

It's high time that baseball itself had a Baseball Team. Start, of course, with Neal Ball (who played from 1907-13) and John Strike (who didn't throw many of 'em for the 1886 Phillies), and move on to Roy Hitt (a righty who gave up lots of those in service of the 1907 Reds) and Matt Batts, a catcher from 1947-56. They called Joe Start "Old Reliable" when he played first base for the old New York Mutuals, and Dave Philley really was a Philly for a spell in the 1950s.

What can we say, baseball fans, except that Frank Chance, Charlie Spikes, Gene Alley, Johnny Hopp, Johnny Bench (who never sat on one) and Jay Hook all have perfect handles for the game we love? So do Bob Walk (who was cursed to be a pitcher), Cecil Fielder (a pure hitter), Stan Hack and--but for the absence of a "T" in the middle of his name--Jim Bunning. Charlie Pick, Jim Field, Earl Battey and Ken Singleton were all playing the right game, too.

But two players say it all--complete with ironies. The St. Louis Cardinals' Taylor Douthit may have been stuck with the least fortunate surname for a non-pitcher in the history of the game, but he played eleven seasons in the Twenties and Thirties and hit .291. Meanwhile, outfielder Homer Summa played ten years with Pittsburgh, Cleveland and the Philadelphia A's, but he hit fewer than two homers per summa--eighteen in all.

Stick around for another minute, willya? Because here's a start on the All-Colorado Team. We must call on Rocky Colavito and Rocky Bridges, of course, along with Elias Peak (who played in 1884) and Hi West (1905 and 1911). Alejandro Pena makes the club in grudging honor of a man who doesn't know squat about airports but helped bring major-league baseball to town, and Skeeter Webb is a bow to Denver's mayoral incumbent. J.T. Snow plays on this club, as do all the players whose names end in "ski"--from Dick Tracewski to Ted Kluszewski. Frank Mountain (Troy, Columbus and Pittsburgh, 1880-86) dresses for our team, along with Mike Vail, Rocky Ford, Lamar Hoyt and Malachi Kittredge.

Twenties hurler Sheriff Blake fits the LoDo bill, while Brian Downing and Dwight Evans represent constituencies in other parts of town. And because a great club needs great pitching, our Opening Day starter will now and forever be the one, the only, Sandy...Colfax.

That okay with you?

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