Strange but True

Some funny things happened on the way to the Pepsi Center.
Jurassic Parker
A mystery mourner left a wreath of plastic flowers at the westside gas station where "Dino," a green fiberglass dinosaur representing the Sinclair Oil Company, had been run over and crushed by a wayward driver.

International House of Pancakes
An Arvada man told police that vandals dumped waffles and syrup in his driveway and scrawled an obscenity--in butter--on his garage door.

Four Turtles Were Hauled In for Questioning
Police in Boulder County were told to be on the lookout for "ninjas" who robbed Longmont's Old Prague Inn dressed in warrior suits.

A man who claimed he was looking for a lost pager in Fairmount Cemetery after midnight told police he was attacked by a group of assailants dressed in black and wielding samurai swords.

I Hate It When That Happens...
While a Denver gang member was busy pistol-whipping another gang member with his handgun, the weapon accidentally discharged, sending a bullet across the street into the leg of an innocent bystander.

Janitor in a Dumb
The head custodian of West High School was hauled in by police for allegedly stockpiling items ranging from snow shovels and toilet paper to hundreds of nuts and bolts in the basement of his Denver home. The scam was exposed by the custodian's estranged wife. Said one detective, "It's a classic example of 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.'"

First Order of Business:
Who Cut the Cheese?
The City of Greeley convened a new five-member "odor board," charged with identifying major sources of bad smells in the city.

Somebody Up There Hates Me
A water balloon dropped from a high-rise building near 13th Avenue and Speer Boulevard shattered the windshield of a passing car.

Highway patrolmen were stumped by vandals who hung black cinderblocks from overpasses along I-76, knocking out the windshields of at least three late-night motorists.

Officers on Patrol, Part 1
Police in Boulder County conducted a manhunt for thieves who swiped the cops' "Drinking and Driving: The Heat Is On" banner from a Boulder Turnpike overpass.

Parts Is Parts
Police reported that a Federal Heights man "punched his roommate's nose right off" during an altercation over rent payments.

Colorado State University researchers kept close watch over 200 frozen human gonads being stored as part of an experiment on plutonium exposure. Assessing the value of the severed testicles, one scientist told a newspaper reporter, "We are sitting on a gold mine here."

An Aurora man called police to report finding a finger in his bathroom sink. "I don't want to sound like I'm crazy, but there's a finger, and I don't know how it got here, and I've been home all day," he told a dispatcher. Officers sent to the scene determined that the digit was actually a foam ear plug that "elongated" after getting wet.

You Should Have Seen the Blip
An airport radar site in Grand Junction was damaged and flights delayed after vandals climbed onto the three-story-tall rotating dish and, in the words of an airport official, rode it "like a mechanical bull."

Boulder Diary, Chapter I
City officials threatened to fine the Boulder Dinner Theatre after audience members complained that actors smoked on stage for thirty seconds during the performance of Grand Hotel, in violation of a city ordinance.

What a Lode of...
A rescue helicopter was called in when two men panning for gold along Clear Creek were buried up to their necks in mud.

Fry Her!
A single mother who bounced a $5.80 check for a hamburger and fries at a Hardee's restaurant in Colorado Springs was socked with $346 in fines by her bank, the court and a collection agency.

DIA Flight Log...
A Parker man was charged with criminal harassment for making repeated phone calls to the airport control tower to complain about airplane noise at his home.

The Pep Boy
An 18-year-old student at Centaurus High School in Lafayette became the first boy to earn a spot on the school's pom-pom squad. Supportive students yelled "Go, Albert!" as he undulated his way through a tryout.

Name That Goon
Denver police sought the "Note Bandit," who held up restaurants by slipping a note to the cashier.

Law enforcement officials announced the arrest of the "Golden Age Burglar," who targeted elderly victims in west Denver.

After a week-long search, police caught up with the "Itty Bitty Bandit," a small boy who held up retail establishments at gunpoint but had trouble seeing over the counter.

The "Bicycle Bandit" pedaled away from at least seven robberies before police caught up with him in July.

The "Backpack Bandit" was known for carting cash from bank robberies in his knapsack.

The "Early Morning Bandit" struck repeatedly in Denver, sticking up convenience stores during the wee hours.

The "Twilight Burglar" specialized in sneaking into suburban homes between dusk and dark.

Police arrested the "Fat Man" bandit, later identified as a 250-pound Colorado prison guard.

Investigators discovered that the "Masked Bandit," who wore a hockey mask during robberies, was actually the "Fat Man" bandit in disguise.

The Wrong Stuff
Two Air Force Academy cadets were punished after they added hot sauce and spicy mustard to a "spoonful of peanut butter and chocolate syrup" being eaten by a young aviator.

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