By Joel Warner
By Michael Roberts
By Alan Prendergast
By Michael Roberts
By Michael Roberts
By Amber Taufen
By Patricia Calhoun
By William Breathes
A man with a tattoo of Jesus on his right calf was arrested for killing his father.
It Takes a Thief
A man accused of breaking into cars in Arapahoe County was caught after he couldn't remember where he'd parked his own vehicle.
A man and woman who stole a tow truck and led police on a chase down icy county roads north of Denver were apprehended by a state Division of Wildlife officer who was in the area counting ducks and geese.
Thirty-four-year-old James Dumm confessed to committing 181 burglaries in Denver-area strip malls, telling police, "I am a career criminal, but not career-criminal smart."
Officers on Patrol, Part 4
Arapahoe County sheriff's deputies went to a home in an attempt to serve a warrant on a man who had died in their jail a month before.
Cookies 'n' Crime
A twelve-year-old Lakewood girl was arrested for "suspicion of criminal impersonation" after posing as a Girl Scout and selling candy door-to-door without delivering the goods.
There Goes the Judge
A city judge in Eads pled guilty to three felonies after being charged with threatening people at gunpoint, possessing an illegal machine gun, running drivers off the road, and stealing the license plates off a vehicle and demanding $25 for their safe return.
The Carat and the Stick
A Louisville jeweler confessed to stealing $300,000 worth of his customers' diamonds by taking them off ring mounts and replacing them with cubic zirconium. He switched stones on one victim while she waited, distracting her by talking about how glad he was that he had gotten a Catholic-school education.
Cash 'n' Carry
Thieves unbolted an ATM machine from a food store in Bayfield, carried it out of the store on a dolly and drove off with it.
The Cat's Meow
Denver animal-control officers were sent to "investigate" after rock-and-roll radio station KBPI aired an alleged recording of a cat inside a running dishwasher. They concluded it was a prank.
A Denver woman reported that her cat's head had been shaved by an unknown assailant.
Thought for the Day
Haiku sandblasted into a sidewalk by the City of Denver: "Do you have those days when you feel melancholy? Is it infinite?"
The Stock Show's in Town
National Western Stock Show spokesman Guy Elliott defended public-address announcer Hadley Barrett's telling a story about a stock buyer "Jewing the price down" by explaining that Barrett had used the word "Jew" as a verb.
The stock show canned African-American rodeo clown Leon Coffee for what it deemed racially insensitive jokes, such as standing in a pile of dark-colored manure and saying, "I'm melting."
Actual stock-show headlines in the Denver Post:
* "Sheep thrill in Big Apple?"
* "FFA members ready to inherit the earth"
* "Show's high on horses"
* "Cowbelles boost beef"
* "The heat is on at Hawaiian flower booth"
Actual Post correction from last year's stock show: "A cutline in Tuesday's Denver Post identified an animal as an Angus heifer. It was not."
A group of high-school teens in the farming hamlet of Eaton were suspended after they lobbied for a "Safe Sex Day," during which students would wear condoms pinned to their shirts, and a "Gothic Appreciation Day," during which students would all wear black.
Five third-graders in Eaton were suspended after being caught smoking a joint on the school playground.
Hold the Phone
A Commerce City gas-station attendant foiled an attempted robbery by hitting a screwdriver-toting crook over the head with a telephone receiver.
A 79-year-old Denver woman was arrested after hitting her 85-year-old husband over the head with a telephone receiver.
The Babysitters' Club
A Jefferson County mother sued a local daycare center after a staffer admitted to forcing her three-year-old son to drink vinegar because the boy bit another child.
You Make the Call
Pueblo's 911 dispatchers reported receiving calls asking them when to change clocks to daylight saving time, how to order a dozen roses and what the phone number is for Pizza Hut.
A Westminster man called 911 when his horse got stuck in the mud.
911 dispatchers in Denver's southern suburbs reported that their busiest shift came in the early-morning hours, when elderly people attempting their first bowel movements of the day suffered heart attacks.
The Heat of the Moment
A 32-year-old Evans man suffered severe burns after a business he was attempting to burglarize went up in flames.
A burglar started a fire at Vail's Ore House Restaurant by attempting to cook food on the grill during the break-in.
Punch, Pass and Kick
Denver radio station KS/107.5 staged a "Bronco Slapping Contest," in which two women took turns smacking each other until one of them cried uncle. "It got so ugly, we had to stop it and give them both Broncos tickets," said a station deejay.