Dangerous Waves

KYGO-AM/1600 (18 seconds):
The kind of country song that features electric piano and some tedious lug crooning, "You are the love of my life." In other words, the bad kind. Hopefully, FM will be better.

KGNU-FM/88.5 (14 seconds):
Not exactly. A commentator says it's sad that more people watch the Super Bowl than vote for president. This year it was less sad than most.

KUVO-FM/89.3 (29 seconds):
Another extra-slow, extra-smooth jazz song. Wake me when it's over.

KCFR-FM/90.1 (12 seconds):
An alleged humorist chides CBS sportscasters at the Olympics for wearing outfits with Nike swooshes. National Public Radio: fashion advice while you wait.

KWBI-FM/91.1 (11 seconds):
A contemporary Christian song that's upbeat by comparison with the others I've heard. Meaning that it sounds like something by England Dan and John Ford Coley.

KJMN-FM/92.1 (5 seconds):
A Spanish-language commercial for...something. I'll take two dozen, please.

KVOD-FM/92.5 (15 seconds):
A classical piece that resembles background music from an episode of Dallas. How highbrow.

KTCL-FM/93.3 (21 seconds):
As I pull into my parking lot, the radio spits out a tune by R.E.M., one of the most overplayed acts of the Nineties: "It's the End of the World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine)." I do, too--as soon as I turn the radio off.