Off Limits

Preferably from the nearest tent pole.

Hey, she's good--but not that good! The Rocky Mountain News has hired Oscar winner Donna Dewey to film its new commercial, but even James Cameron couldn't make a blockbuster out of the paper's new circulation statistics. Despite the trick of tossing its newfound sibling, the Boulder Camera, into the mix, the News's numbers are plummeting. Having finished its obligatory annual exercise in creative writing ("Boulder paper adds to circulation in metro area"), the News eventually admitted last week that it had lost an average of 13,085 papers daily, while the Denver Post has increased by 19,193 over the past year. And just when the tabloid's editorial content was looking up, too--at least, when compared to the Post's.

If Dewey can't make a silk purse out of this pig's ear, maybe the News could get a rewrite from the inflationary author of its March 4 front-page bannered story, which announced that new-home permits in January were up 31 percent--31 percent, Edna!--over a year before. Uh, never mind: In a small story in the business section the next day, the News admitted the actual rate was 6 percent--but blamed the mistake on a clerical error by the town of Superior rather than its own reporter.

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