A Shock to the System

Myths and realities about domestic violence, according to the Jefferson County Domestic Violence Combined Law Enforcement Training Manual:

Myth: Men who batter do so because they cannot control themselves.
Reality: Men who batter are usually not violent toward anyone but their wives/partners or their children. They can control themselves sufficiently enough to pick a safe target and, in fact, some beat women where the bruise will not show. Many assaults are pre-planned and last for hours.

Myth: When there is domestic violence, both parties must change for the violence to stop.

Reality: Many women who are battered make numerous attempts to change their behavior in the hope this will stop the abuse. Changes in their behavior, or that of other family members, will not cause the batterer to become non-violent.

Myth: Domestic violence is usually a one-time incident.
Reality: Battering is a pattern. Once violence begins in a relationship, it tends to get worse and more frequent over a period of time.

Myth: If a battered woman really wanted to leave, she could just pack up and go somewhere else.

Reality: Battered women considering leaving their assailants are faced with the very real possibility of serious bodily injury or death. Many batterers deliberately isolate their partners and deprive them of jobs and educational opportunities. When this is combined with the lack of affordable child care, it makes it extremely difficult for women to leave.

Myth: Men who batter are often good fathers and should have joint custody of their children.

Reality: At least 70 percent of men who batter their wives also physically or sexually abuse their children.