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Ex Marks the Spat
Regarding Ward Harkavy's "Fact or Friction?" in the October 1 issue:
The very idea that gays come from bad families, smothering mothers, etc., is absurd, to say the least. I know many gays, including myself, who come from very loving families where "the lifestyle" was never even talked about, let alone encouraged. I have also seen firsthand the damage these ex-gay groups do to people and how they mentally scar them, sometimes for life. When these ex-gays get over their own self-loathing and depression, maybe they will atone for all the damage and deaths they have caused to people who have heard their message--along with the message of hate that society in general sends--and commit suicide. But, no, they will continue to live along the banks of the river of denial.

Keith Privette
via the Internet

Of course, I knew before I even read "Fact or Friction?" that you would make light of John Paulk's conversion. That is fine with me. What I don't really get is why people generally accept the fact that a person who has lived his life as straight--and even thought that he was straight until one day he discovered that he was really gay--is legit, but when a person has lived his life as gay and even thought that he was gay until one day he discovered that he was really straight after all, people laugh and say, "Right" or "Sure he is." Come on--you cannot have it both ways. If someone who is straight can become gay, why can't someone who is gay become straight?

Of course, then there will be those who will say that the "straight" person who became gay was really gay all along. So it should only follow that the person who was "gay" and became straight wasn't ever really gay but was straight all along. Let's have some consistency, people (I'm addressing the gay community here), on your thoughts about this subject.

Jesse Davis
Denver

I feel "Fact or Friction?" badly misrepresented Where Grace Abounds in Denver. First off, I am a 37-year-old female who is a born-again Christian and gay. When I was fourteen years old, my mom passed away; less than six months later, I realized that I was attracted to other girls. Whether it was the loss of the most important female in my life that influenced my subconscious or not, I do not know. What I do know is that when I became a Christian at 26 years old, I knew I was not going to be able to have those desires fulfilled the way I wished them to be. When I moved to Denver in 1992 and heard of WGA, it was such an eye-opener, a real heartwarmer, to have a group of people in the same exact boat as me--people who were first and foremost followers of Christ, who just happened to be struggling with desires outside of God's will and felt real uncomfortable with it all. That definition fits all Christians.

In 1992, the Amendment 2 debate was going on while I was trying to find a home church out here. I saw and heard such bigotry from the pulpits that I was scarred and hurt. I heard such knee-jerk reactions from the gay extremist groups that I was hurt even more. Then I stumbled upon a place like WGA, which does not brainwash or even attempt in the most minute way to get you to change your lifestyle. It is there as a safe haven for people like me to congregate and befriend each other in getting from point A to point B (point A being this life and point B being eternity with Jesus). From the first time I walked in there and heard their "agenda," I felt like I finally had a group of Christians who wouldn't feel weird around me, that I wouldn't have to pretend with or try to evade questions about why I have never had a boyfriend! I even told them straight out that I don't ever want to be heterosexual--I desire to just not have sexual desires at all; I don't want or need the headaches. That is not their purpose as a ministry. They didn't even ask for that info; I just felt like telling them.

I dig men big-time, just not in the sexual sense. I can honestly say that 90 percent of the female population doesn't attract me sexually, either, but the 10 percent left over is enough to severely draw me astray. But the Lord is Almighty, and He will bring me through this. I am firmly convinced that I will go to my grave with this "sexual orientation." I don't doubt that many can be transformed to opening up to the opposite sex in the area where they were formerly repulsed, but I'm not so sure the other desires vaporize, either. Perhaps it's not for us to judge.

The extreme "religious" right and the extreme gay left ultimately make me quite sick. Plus, if the group Evangelicals Reconciled was accurately portrayed in the article (after seeing the disastrous job you did to WGA, I certainly can't be sure), I think they are being divisive and trying to put dissension between us and them--and even within other ministries--that just doesn't belong.

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