Strange but True

Colorado truly was an altered state in 1998.
A Boulder manufacturer of Halloween "Dracula Fangs" sued a competitor for selling allegedly identical devices known as "Fangtastics."

A fourteen-year-old sexual assault suspect was arrested in Boulder after he crashed his bicycle while attempting to grab a passing woman cyclist's breast.

Police in Lakewood sought a 4-foot-8-inch boy suspected of passing counterfeit $20 bills.

Local PetsMart stores offered "potty training seminars" for dogs and adaptable toilet seats for cats.

The state's anti-suicide commission, formed after Colorado posted the fifth-highest suicide rate in the country, was told by an expert that "it's difficult to interview people and find out what was on their mind [after they're dead]."

The Carbondale Environmental Board encouraged residents to begin eating dandelions instead of spraying them, arguing that the plants have the same "calcium-phosphorous ratio as mother's milk."

Larimer County authorities reported that a canine unit was "unable to follow the scent" of an outhouse prowler seen running from a public latrine wearing fishing waders.

Pepsi-Cola announced it was developing a "science unit" for students in Jefferson County that consisted of visiting a Pepsi bottling plant, "analyzing cola samples" and taste-testing soda for the imaginary "Fizz Wizz" company.

A 90-year-old man was cited for careless driving after he plowed into two Arapahoe County sheriff's patrol cars whose drivers had stopped to make an arrest.

An 84-year-old driver rolled his gravel truck into Clear Creek, briefly closing U.S. Highway 6.

Police in Fort Lupton arrested a diminutive 70-year-old woman after she walked into the Bank of Colorado and demanded money while wearing a black plastic trash bag that "nearly swallowed" her.

A former Denver policewoman was awarded $130,000 in damages by a federal jury after she was assaulted by a fellow officer who grabbed her breasts and "twisted them like water faucets."

* Keylime
* Panda
* Rejoice
* Disney
* Suede
* Tough
* Sugar
* Pacific
* Elway
* Suede

The premier issue of Daniels Business Review, a magazine for business executives published by the Daniels College of Business at the University of Denver, featured an article lamenting the lack of genuine heroes but informing readers that college benefactor Bill Daniels really was one.

Police were on the lookout for a 6-foot-tall "menacing transvestite" with hairy legs accused of masturbating publicly while wearing a miniskirt and a wig.

* A 125-pound fish sculpture.
* "Several small angel pins," taken from a nun during a mugging.
* The Deer Trail Rescue Squad's cardiac monitor and defibrillator.
* A tractor-trailer loaded with 30,000 pounds of frozen turkeys.
* The Bent County Sheriff Department's drug-sniffing dog.

Interstate 76 was temporarily shut down in May after a meat-hauling truck and a tractor-trailer carrying beehives collided, setting thousands of hungry bees loose on the freeway.

Denver firefighters were dispatched after a truck dumped a load of rendering grease near the intersection of 13th Avenue and Logan Street.

"We don't need to build prisons anymore," said state representative Dorothy Gotlieb during a discussion of traffic jams on I-25. "We can just stick people in cars and have them sit there four hours a day."

A Jefferson County man who refused to comment to the media after his wife killed the couple's two children later set up a Web site dedicated to the tragedy that included departments titled "Where Was God?" and "The Aftermath."

A member of the City of Denver's "ethics committee" was ticketed for shoplifting after taking a bottle of eyewash from a Denver store.

Police in Parker busted an ice cream truck driver after she repeatedly shortchanged young clients who paid with large bills.

A Durango man was convicted of first-degree murder after police found the cremated remains of his former roommate in his backyard barbecue pit.

A Larimer County judge threw out criminal libel charges against a sixteen-year-old high school student who had published his own newspaper claiming that a female principal was a cross-dresser who'd had an affair with Princess Diana and that the school's tap water contained urine.

A training program on cultural sensitivity given to Denver postal supervisors included the line, "Native American and African-American cultures: Look you in the eye when they are ready for a fight."

A self-taught computer expert was charged with hacking into the US West computer system and diverting 2,585 of the company's computers to help him solve a 350-year-old math problem.

A $35,000 piece of public art at an RTD light-rail station that included "remnants of demolished buildings" was destroyed when it was hit by a car.

RTD boardmember Jon Caldara lobbied to allow cigarette and alcohol advertising on bus benches.

After a concerted effort to improve service, RTD jumped from 59th to 58th on the University of North Carolina's annual ranking of American transit agencies.

A man who streaked naked across the Coors Field outfield before 44,000 fans told a judge he did it to impress his girlfriend, with whom he wanted to "share his world."

Blinky the Clown was dumped by Channel 2 and hired famed defense attorney Walter Gerash to represent him. On the prospect of returning to his job as part of a settlement, a scorned Blinky said, "I wouldn't work for them for a barrel of monkeys."

Actual Names of Clowns Operating in the Denver Area

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