Strange but True

* Coconut the Clown
* Frizbee the Clown
* Krako the Clown
* Rainbo the Clown
* Shuffles the Clown ("The Clowning Around Specialist")
* Skiddles the Clown
* Su-Z-Q-Z the Clown
* Jingles the Elf

A Longmont police officer was cited for careless driving after smashing his squad car into the back of his sergeant's squad car.

Internal disciplinary action was taken against a Lakewood police officer after he threatened the manager of a McDonald's restaurant who "had a hard time understanding his order."

A Boulder police detective was given an internal reprimand after a photo radar camera caught him speeding while wearing a paper bag over his head.

A week after shooting to death a man who was attempting to steal a car, Adams County sheriff's officers finally identified him as Andrew Gene Alvarez. They reportedly were assisted in their probe by a large tattoo on the man's chest that read "ALVAREZ."

Jefferson County sheriff's deputies had difficulty keeping up with fleeing suspects because of a device that prevented their four-wheel-drive vehicles from going more than a hundred miles per hour.

When a Boulder police officer asked a man who'd rammed her cruiser with his Mercedes if he was on drugs, he replied that he used acne medication.

State officials opened a "road rage hotline" to take reports about aggressive drivers.

A Colorado State University professor opened a "virtual road rage" lab to study "driving stress."

Summit County officials reported two incidents of "ski rage" on the slopes.

A Fort Lupton municipal judge sentenced a 24-year-old man accused of playing his car stereo too loud to listen to an hour of cowboy songs, bagpipe recordings and Gregorian chants.

After state representative Frana Mace of Denver introduced a law that would have prohibited dogs from riding in the back of pickup trucks, San Miguel County sheriff Bill Masters countered, "Dogs like it there. It's cruel not to let them ride there."

After hundreds of nude skiers trashed a base center during Crested Butte Mountain Resort's annual end-of-season naked ski session, authorities considered discontinuing the event. Said a resort official, "It just doesn't have that light, fun feeling anymore."

Parents decried "human rights" violations after a teacher at Jefferson County's Deer Creek Middle School banned the wearing of Pittsburgh Steelers garb to the school's "Bronco Day."

The director of the Women's Resource Center at the University of Northern Colorado in Greeley demanded the right to call lesbians "dykes" and homosexual men "queers" in the campus newsletter.

Actual names of animals shown this year at the National Western Stock Show:
* Intimately Teddy
* An Irish Flirt
* Irrezippable
* Bad Girl
* Freckles Floozie
* Awesome Prettylady
* Shesa Hot Chick
* I Come to Impress

Stock Show exhibit most likely to get lucky:
T-Bone the Mechanical Talking Steer, who greeted visitors by asking, "Hi, haven't I seen you before?"

The federal government added the Rocky Flats nuclear bomb factory to the National Register of Historic Places, then announced it would be demolished in the year 2006.

A United Airlines 737 backed over a catering truck at DIA, injuring two people and forcing the evacuation of 65 passengers.

A local couple made headlines after a Sesame Street "Talking T-shirt" they bought at a local Kmart store cheerfully announced that it was "time to fuck."

Actual headlines from the Denver Post:
* "Adult Business Appeals to High Court"
*"Stadium Vote Is Big Issue"
* "Solving Ramsey Case Possible"

Actual headline from the Rocky Mountain News:
"Rabbi Sees Passover Spirit in Oven"

Actual subhead on same News story:
"Furnace repairman symbolizes circle of ancient Jewish ritual."

Actual correction from the News:
"Brian Hinkle's name was misspelled in a story on Page 22A Sunday about the Colorado Spelling Bee."

When an unidentified man held up the Denver Zoo for $32,000, the Post reported that he made off with enough money to "buy 25,000 pounds of yams for the grizzly bears."

News columnist Bill Johnson wrote about the horror of witnessing a traffic accident in which a woman was thrown through her windshield, then ran a follow-up column telling readers he'd actually seen a car door go flying into the street.

As part of a court-ordered work-release program, an Arapahoe County man convicted of pimping took a job as an "appointment setter" for a local company.

In an attempt to gauge how human activity may contribute to stress in bighorn sheep, the state Division of Wildlife tracked down the animals and implanted transmitters in their hides.

A Denver Zoo expert concluded that a group of four deer who wandered onto East Colfax Avenue apparently wound up in the inner city because they were "young and inexperienced."

Police investigated the beheadings of two rabbits in southeast Denver.
State troopers investigating the vandalization of a car belonging to state representative Gigi Dennis of Pueblo concluded that the vehicle had been attacked by squirrels.

A Colorado state trooper ran an emu off U.S. Highway 50 near Beaver Creek and reported that the creature was last seen heading onto the Fort Carson bombing range.

Veterinary surgeons at Colorado State University attached an artificial leg to a five-month-old burro named Primrose.

* A tennis ball on a Boulder playground
* "Drano bombs" in Douglas County mailboxes
* Municipal sewer lines in the town of Brighton

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