By Bree Davies
By Emerald O'Brien
By Gina Tron
By Jon Solomon
By Drew Ailes
By Courtney Harrell
By Kyra Scrimgeour
Description of the dance techniques displayed by three men in the row in front of me: Head lunging forward, caboose jabbing backward. Call it "the Heimlich Maneuver."
Description of the dance techniques displayed by Mick Jagger: Consistently astounding, particularly given his vintage (he's 55) and recent health woes. Richards definitely looks decrepit--he carries his head around like a damaged pinata on a pole--and Woods wasn't exactly doing wind sprints, probably because he didn't want to shake the ash off his ominipresent cigarette and set himself ablaze. But Jagger shook, shimmied and strutted for two hours straight without once whining about the thin air.
Possible explanations for Mick Jagger's stamina and energy: 1. He regularly drinks monkey blood. 2. He dines exclusively on the brains of former mistresses. 3. He knows that he won't have any more former mistresses if he starts moving around like the average 55-year-old.
Description of Mick Jagger's wardrobe changes: Every couple of songs, Jagger reappears wearing two or three shirts. He then strips off the top one or two to reveal a muscle T-shirt beneath. Tricky variation on the routine: At one point, he strips off one muscle T-shirt to uncover another muscle T-shirt under it.
Funniest Mick Jagger line: At the end of "Some Girls," he barks, "I'll give you half of what I own."
Funniest Keith Richards line: Before his spotlight sequence, Richards says, "You're taking care of yourselves, I hope. I know I am."
Description of the concert's most boring passage: Richards delivers "You Got the Silver" and "Thief in the Night," a bland song from 1997's Bridges to Babylon, in a somnambulant rasp that's practically hypnotic. Afterward, the audience applauds more out of surprise that Richards is still conscious than anything else. That's followed by "Out of Control," another weak Bridges tune during which Jagger sings from inside a cage for no apparent reason.
Description of the concert's most exciting passage: The main Stones, supplemented by Jones and Leavell, gather on a small stage at the arena's center (a nod to the Bridges to Babylon tour) and perform three songs while dodging roses and other projectiles hurled by the throng around them. The highlight is "Midnight Rambler," a creepy song that is given a far creepier rendition than are "Paint It Black" and "Sympathy for the Devil," two equally creepy songs that the Stones strip of creepiness.
Overall response to concert: Mick Jagger is still a marvel, but time isn't on the other Stones' side.
Comment made to a companion by the T-shirted, tattooed, obviously drunk man sitting behind me as the Rolling Stones depart: "This could be the last time we see them, dude."
Thought that goes through my head: Wanna bet?