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Savage Love

Concerned

Hey, Concerned:
There's nothing wrong with your next-door neighbor, nor is he to blame for the awkward situation you and the roommate find yourselves in. Since you were peeping at him while he showered, he logically assumed you liked how he looked naked. When he escalated things--by masturbating--you kept right on peeping, and he came to the entirely logical conclusion that you and the roommate want to fuck his brains out. Why else would you be watching him shower and beat off?

You and your roommate made this mess--you teased this man with a fantasy that comes bundled with every hetero male's sexual hard drive: Two women at once. You encouraged him, filled him with false hopes, and now you're just going to have to sleep with him. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but that's the way it is.

Many of you wrote in with advice for About to Be Traditionally Wed, the dumb young woman about to marry a man her uncle warned her was gay. Here are a couple of your letters:

At nineteen, I married a guy that I thought I loved. I was pregnant at the time, and the marriage was nothing fancy. A year later he announced he wanted to "experiment" with men. Believing his feelings weren't serious, I did not object. If Ihad, he would have done it anyway.

He and I are now divorced. I have a wonderful boyfriend now who gives me everything I need. And my ex? He is involved with another man and is VERY happy that way. I have some advice for this woman: Run for your life. Take it from me--canceling wedding plans is less painful than telling people your husband left you for another man.

Learned the Hard Way

If "About to Be Traditionally Wed" won't listen to her gay uncle, perhaps she'll listen to a fellow hetero woman: I used to be engaged to a man who "experimented" with homosexuality and was "over it." I'm glad I caught him in bed with another man before I married him and not after. I'm especially happy I didn't compound my troubles by alienating the friends, gay and straight, who tried to tell me what a mistake I was making.

Been There

Dan Savage has been writing "Savage Love," a nationally syndicated sex-advice column, for eight years--enough time to become an expert on everything from women's orgasms to safe sex to abusive boyfriends to Hollywood blockbusters to gerbils. Have a question for him? Write: Savage Love, c/o Westword, P.O. Box 5970, Denver, CO 80217 or e-mail him at letters@savagelove.com.

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