Savage Love

Single Butch

Hey, SB:
Here's a helpful hint: Folks who blather on about the evils of booze and cigs and dope are widely regarded as zero fun to hang out with even by other people who don't drink or do drugs. If all you have to offer someone is your unaltered status and that's all you ask in return, well, women aren't going to be lining up around the block to eat your pussy. By putting no drinking/smoking/drugs demands front and center in your personal ads, you may be scaring off hordes of unaltered lesbians who don't consider being unaltered the most important, interesting or attractive thing about themselves.

And, hey, just because you're unaltered doesn't mean your girlfriend can't be a little altered. Judy, a lesbian pal of mine, doesn't drink at all, but her girlfriend has to. "She's in the wine business," Judy said. "I wouldn't be with someone who abuses alcohol, and my girlfriend doesn't. She drinks like a normal person, like most people do, and it's not a problem."

Judy met her girlfriend doing volunteer work and suggests you consider options beyond bars and ads to meet women. "If this woman goes to lesbian bars to meet lesbians, she's going to meet lesbians who drink. She should get involved in women's activities or volunteer at women's or lesbian organizations. But she shouldn't rule out everyone who drinks."

Hey, Dan:
I am a nice-looking man who enjoys sex very much. Here is my question. I recently went to a party where I kinda met this man. The problem is that I really like this guy but I do not know how to tell him. Should I wait till we are drunk sometime and make a pass at him?

Terribly Shy

Hey, TS:
Sure, why not? It's always worked for me.

Dan Savage has been writing "Savage Love," a nationally syndicated sex-advice column, for eight years--enough time to become an expert on everything from women's orgasms to safe sex to abusive boyfriends to Hollywood blockbusters to gerbils. Have a question for him? Write: Savage Love, c/o Westword, P.O. Box 5970, Denver, CO 80217 or e-mail him at

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