Off Limits

International relations
Colorado's foremost religious-radio talk-show host and convicted child-abuser, Bob Enyart, his mother, Connie Enyart, and a handful of other ambitious Americans managed to get themselves arrested in Auckland, New Zealand, on September 10 while protesting against President Bill Clinton, who was there for an Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation meeting. The eight-member group, which was representing ShadowgGov.com, Enyart's new Web site for espousing political and religious propaganda, held up banners and signs, including one with a cartoon silhouette of Clinton and the word "rapist." The signs referred to the allegations in February by Juanita Broadderick that Clinton raped her 21 years ago while he was the attorney general of Arkansas. Police in New Zealand repeatedly detained several members of the group over a four-day period and confiscated the banners before the Clinton motorcade passed.

"They were arrested and taken to jail, but Bob says the longest anybody was held in jail was five hours," says Jason Troyer, a ShadowGov.com representative who stayed in Denver. "Someone there was protesting tariffs that America puts on cheap imports from New Zealand. Their sign said something like, 'Clinton is screwing the sheep trade,' with a cartoon of the president screwing a sheep, but apparently that wasn't deemed offensive, because no one was arrested for that one. We were the only group that got arrested. They just didn't like our message. We've done protests in almost 200 cities [in the U.S.], and none of us has been arrested before. We have a very good track record."

A former religious radio and TV talk-show host, Enyart made a name for himself outside of Colorado in February when he bought some O.J. Simpson memorabilia at an auction and then publicly burnt it to protest the American judicial system. But the law won anyway, when Enyart was convicted of abusing his seven-year-old stepson and served fifty days in jail this past spring. (Next he plans to appear on the Fox Family Channel to discuss parenting and then throw a "housewarming" for Bill and Hillary Clinton when they move into their new mansion in New York.)

In New Zealand, Enyart, his mother and their cohorts were told that the charges against them would be dropped if they agreed to leave -- which they did on September 15, Troyer says, adding, "That's the price of being a right-wing fanatic, I guess."

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Touched by an angle
Hometown-girl-made-good Martha Williamson, now the producer of Touched by An Angel, screened the sixth season premiere of her touchy-feely CBS hit for an unusual audience Tuesday night: assorted congressional representatives who are touched, all right, including Sixth District representative Tom Tancredo, one of the evening's hosts. The episode, which airs nationally on Sunday, focuses on a fictional senator who discovers the horrors of slavery in Sudan -- something Williamson could have learned a lot earlier if she had visited the fourth-grade class at Highland Community School in Aurora, which started the STOP (Slavery That Oppresses People) campaign to buy the freedom of 1,000 Sudanese slaves. But no good deed goes unpunished: The kids' campaign recently got a front-page slap from the Denver Post for economically encouraging the increased slave trade.

With Tancredo touting Touched, soon we should expect to see episodes of:

The Wilderness Family: Representative Bob Schaffer battles a moose.

The Wilderness Family Next Generation: Representative Diana DeGette fights to have more Colorado land protected as wilderness and battles conservative congressmen who sound like moose.

Emergency Room Vet: Senator Wayne Allard performs an emergency procedure to save Buddy after Socks claws his eyes out.

The Left Wing: Representative Mark Udall battles pro-life, pro-gun, pro-growth devils as he fights to keep the People's Republic of Boulder pure.

Eight Is Enough: Representative Scott McInnisrealizes he supports term limits after all.

Highway to Heaven: Representative Joel Hefley rakes in transportation contracts for Colorado while he oversees the ethics investigation of House Transportation chairman Bud Shuster.

Party of One: Senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell leaves the Republican Party, as he did the Democrats, to form his own political sect.

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Talking the talk
Columbine ber-spokesman Steve Davis will give the keynote address at a conference in Breckenridge next month called "Columbine: Communicating in a Crisis." The three-day event will be hosted by the Emergency Services Public Information Officers of Colorado, an association of more than 100 mouthpieces for various government agencies, especially police, fire and emergency departments, as well as a hospital or two and even the Salvation Army. Their conference "will focus on lessons learned from the Columbine High School Tragedy in Colorado."

The first day of the conference -- which costs $200 per person plus $72 a night for a hotel room -- features a buffet lunch, a welcome from ESPIOC president and Englewood Safety Service spokesman Jim Ulrich and a video presentation of the unfolding tragedy, along with presentations and workshops such as "On Your Mark, Get Ready, Get Set, Hold Your Press Conference," "Monitoring the Media: Know Who's Airing What and Keep Track," "Matching the Message With the Media" and "Walking A Fine Line: Balancing Media Interest With Victim/Patient Rights."

The cash bar at the Beaver Run Resort that night will no doubt bring relief.