Get Me Rewrite!

A pitch meeting for Colorado sitcom ideas.

There is one situation that intrigues him, Mr. Garvin confesses. For a fleeting moment, he seems to be offering it to the writers! He even uses the key word: "...some ideas we could explore..."

Mr. Garvin: "What I'm getting at is that there is this huge chasm between Gen X and -- what am I called, Brenda?"

Brenda: "A baby boomer."

Patrick Merewether

Mr. Garvin: "Right. The gulf between the two is very strong in business areas. Where Internet in business is controlled by the Gen-Xers who are almost arrogant in that they're so on top of it. The traditional captains of industry are at the mercy of 22-year-old kids who don't actually care -- not so much about money, but about the traditional -- "

F.W.: "Right, right, and you wouldn't believe how often that comes up in our sitcom about homeless teens!"

Mr. Garvin: "We're doing a sitcom about homeless teens?"

M.W.: "No, but we were just researching it earlier today, and it seemed dark, kind of like South Park -- and these kids were actually -- "

Mr. Garvin: "You know, a situation, a location, if you will, is actually just a setup for the characters. In some cases, when the situation is too strong, it can completely overwhelm and color the story. Homelessness, for instance."

M.W.: "But..."

Mr. Garvin: "Uh, let me just say one thing: We need to think a little outside the box. We need to free ourselves from the typical sitcom. Within this contest, I hope there would be scriptwriters who would take a new approach. I mean, comedy's been around for several hundred years. Well, forever. It could be a great vehicle for exploration."

Scene Six

Writers driving along I-70 in small economy car with hail damage. Heavy foreshadowing. The sun sets blood-red in the West (where else?). Splashes of sun (blood) cross the windshield.

M.W. (bitterly): "Outside the box, he says! Outside the box! What could be more outside the box than funny homeless teenagers?"

F.W. (sadly): "I didn't even know how to bring up The Taxman or Don't You Be Lyin' to Me..."

M.W.: "Oh, my God! Watch out!"

A massive truck loaded with semi-automatic weapons bears down on our duo, probably sent by Interpol, and the scene ends in a fiery inferno -- music up, Wagnerian, swelling.

No, wait. The truck is loaded with...Beanie Babies! They're in an accident, but a zany accident! And guess what the insurance company takes in lieu of a cash settlement! Everyone's gonna be rich! You gotta love it!

Cue a loud, brassy laugh track. Let it run as long as necessary.

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