Thank God for Bob!

Bob Enyart is pro-life, pro-death (penalty) and anti-gay, and now he wants to take over the country.

His name is Bob.

If all of this sounds just a tad Islamic, it should, given that countries such as Iran employ a strategy at least within spitting distance of the Mosaic approach. But Bob says the Islamic treatment is no panacea: "Cutting off a hand for stealing, that's unjust." Under the Mosaic way, thieves would be liable for twofold repayment if they took something for themselves that could be returned, three- or fourfold if the goods swiped are resold or destroyed, and sevenfold if the item's value is primarily sentimental.

Flogging, meanwhile, would be the punishment of choice for a potpourri of no-nos ranging from assault to fraud: If, in an Enyart example, Sears had a corporate policy that illegally lightened its customers' wallets as a matter of course, everyone from the lowliest salesperson to the company CEO could taste forty lashes. According to Enyart, "You don't need a thousand government regulations to protect the consumer, because the manager of a business is not going to risk the chance of being flogged because he ripped off a customer."

True believer on the line: Bob Enyart at his office stronghold.
Sean Hartgrove
True believer on the line: Bob Enyart at his office stronghold.


Previous Westword articles

"The Gay Nineties,"
Novemver 25, 1999
Since Amendment 2 passed seven years ago, Colorado Springs has learned a lesson in Family Values.
By C.J. Janovy

"Fact or Friction,"
October 1, 1998
The ex-gay movement has its straight man -- but ex-ex-gays may have the last laugh.
By Ward Harkavy

"Slay It With a Smile,"
October 3, 1996
Paul Cameron's mission to stop homosexuality is hard to swallow.
By Ward Harkavy

And the death penalty? It would be meted out for murder and kidnapping, as it is in many states today, but also for incest, sex with animals, adultery and homosexuality.

Considering the Mosaic approach to this last lifestyle, how is it that Matthew Shepard would still be alive had God's criminal-justice system been in place last year, as Enyart claims? Wouldn't the state have eliminated him in some unspeakable manner simply for expressing the desires that ultimately, cruelly led to his demise anyway? No way, Bob says. Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson would never have killed Shepard knowing that they'd be tried, convicted and put out of the planet's misery lickety-split. (The code calls for judgments, including executions, to be carried out within 24 hours of sentencing, thereby making jails entirely unnecessary. Imagine the savings!) Likewise, Shepard would never have strode down the demon path of gayness -- not when he would be just one shameful orgasm away from the gallows. To Bob Enyart's way of thinking, homosexuality is a choice, so the Matthew Shepards of the nation would just choose not to be homosexual: plain as that.

You nasty pinkos out there probably think that no one would embrace such notions, but you'd be wrong. The three Enyart sites are registering around 100,000 hits a week (he gladly shows off the documentation to prove it), and a project to train shadow government judges over computer lines using a calculation formula inspired by, of all organizations, the United States Chess Federation, is stuck at around forty members, mainly because participants' demand quickly outstripped the ability of Enyart's small staff to keep up with it.

Enyart is also supported by a handful of law-enforcement officers around the Denver area. One, a suburban deputy sheriff and converted atheist with ten years on the force who wishes to stay anonymous, declares, "The justice system we have now is a farce, and after reading the Bible and attending one of Bob's criminal-justice seminars, I realized that the Bible already had a relevant criminal-justice system in there and that it would work. People think we want to put thousands to death, but the truth is, we want to put no one to death -- and with a swift justice system with flogging and things like that, we wouldn't have to, because people wouldn't commit those crimes."

Also part of the Enyart fan club is Brian Rohrbough, whose son Daniel was killed in the shootings at Columbine High School on April 20. Rohrbough makes it clear that Enyart did not engage in evangelical ambulance chasing after Columbine: "I contacted him," he says.

In the months following the tragedy, Rohrbough became a regular attendee at Bible studies Enyart hosts each Sunday evening at the Malley Senior Recreation Center in Englewood. Bob returned the favor by showing up with some of his people in late September at the West Bowles Community Church, when several parents and friends of Columbine victims, Rohrbough among them, chopped down two trees they felt were planted in memory of gunmen Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold.

"Bob has been a good friend through everything that has happened and has never asked for anything in return," Rohrbough says, "and like him, I believe that as a general rule, there's a couple types of people in this country -- one that believes in evolution, so they believe that man evolved from the slime and therefore can make the rules, and another group that believes that man comes from creation, and that the creator makes the rules. And Bob and I are in the second group. Bob has paid a very high price for standing up and telling the truth about the Bible and God's word. And for that, I respect him."

The Wyoming cops treat Bob with deference as well. L.E. Novak leads John Geiser's truck and trailer into a parking slot alongside a temporary barrier hung with a friendly sign: "NOTICE: DEMONSTRATION AREA. FOR RESERVATIONS, CALL ..."

After Eric Nellis parks within view of more than half a dozen satellite trucks and a gaggle of print and electronic reporters, Enyart is greeted by Sergeant Cushman of the Laramie police, a taciturn chap who wants to know just what the ShadowGovernors have in mind. Bob rushes to reassure him: "We have no bullhorns and no guns, just a club. And if you don't want us to use that, we don't have to."

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