Barking Up the Wrong Tree

Playing the angles -- and angels -- in Boulder.

Comments (0) By Patricia Calhoun Thursday, Jun 8 2000

Also posted is a photograph of the garrote "used to strangle our little girl," as well as a picture of the sort of stun gun that might have immobilized her -- at least according to former Colorado Springs cop Lou Schmidt, who'd been assigned to work on the case by Boulder District Attorney Alex Hunter, then stayed on to help the Ramseys after the grand jury was disbanded without any indictments being issued. Not pictured: the Santa Bear that at one point seemed such a key to solving the murder.

Forty months, one Santa, two police chiefs, a half-dozen books, twice as many lawyers, and the case comes down to a psychic connection that makes Dionne Warwick look like Sherlock Holmes.

Anyone you know? A psychic's composite of JonBenét's killer (left), along with some possible disguises.

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Two clicks away, FuckTheMedia.com has posted its own version of the sketch story, under the byline "Associated Sycophants." "John and Patsy Ramsey have assembled a You're Dreaming' team of crack lawyers who previously represented Susan Smith and Timothy McVeigh," the site reports, urging that you "use your own Psychic Powers to determine who killed that child.'" The choices: a God-fearing, church-going Christian; a small foreign faction; a vast right-wing conspiracy; or a large domestic faction. In case your psychic powers need prodding, the site also includes a sketch of the Ramseys' "most horrible of killers" -- this one bearing a marked resemblance to O.J. Simpson.

O.J., of course, has been all over the news this week, regarding the possibility that he, too, might take a lie-detector test. Truth is much stranger than fiction.

As they say, this dog won't hunt.

Except, perhaps, in Boulder.