Assuming we have to make peace with the fact that we're going to be whores about this, let's find us a good john. What better incentive than guilt? The state's Public Utility Commission will soon consider the proposed merger of Qwest and US West, and there ought to be plenty of complaints about local telephone service. So what about a creative settlement deal? Colorado officials approve the merger, Mile High becomes Qwest, and Qwest ponies up $100 million in taxpayer relief. Everybody goes home happy.