United We Strand

Westword's What United Did to My Summer Vacation contest has been a resounding success. Well, not for United Airlines customers, of course. No, things just keep getting worse for them. A recent example? Nearly 200 United flights out of Denver International Airport were canceled between this past Friday and Sunday, and hundreds more were delayed -- some by hours. United blamed its pilots, who are refusing to work overtime while the airline negotiates various labor agreements. It also claimed bad weather was a factor (and seemed poised to say that the dog ate its term paper, as well).

The folks at DIA, apparently worried that a United passenger might snap, employed several musical groups to tour the concourses (primarily United's B concourse) in an attempt to calm travelers' nerves -- a ploy that the airport usually employs only during the winter holidays. "It's not going to solve all the problems, but it will make things calmer during a hectic time of the year," says Meredith Gabow, DIA's performance series manager. The bands include the Gypsies, who play mandolin and guitar, and the Vince Wiggins duo, which plays jazz, as well as a Celtic group, a country group and others. "If anything can calm a crowd, it's the Gypsies," Gabow adds. "But they are all talented musicians with a sense of humor -- they play 'Leaving on a Jet Plane,' 'I Want to Go Home.' One thing that is different about this series is that we are using all roving artists, because they can seek out the hot spots. The artists love having an audience."

And a captive audience at that. Expect the mellow grooves to continue for a while, Gabow says, since United plans to cancel another 1,980 flights next month.

While that will leave a lot of would-be United passengers high and dry, Denver-based Frontier Airlines (which has absolutely no official role in our contest, although the winner will receive a round-trip ticket on the airline) just reported its ninth consecutive profitable quarter. Despite its obvious fear of doing anything to upset United, which could squash Frontier like a bug if it wanted to (although United would have to get some planes in the air on time first), Frontier even attributed a tiny part of that success to United's problems -- not that Frontier president Sam Addoms would go so far as to mention United by name. But everyone knew who he was talking about -- especially the passengers still stranded at DIA.

According to US News and World Report's current cover story (which, by the way, prominently features our contest), this summer has been the worst travel season in American airline history. United isn't the only airline with big problems, but since it controls roughly two-thirds of DIA traffic, its problems are Denver's problems, and don't think the people of Colorado haven't noticed. In a telephone survey of 607 people, only 7 percent said they had very positive feelings about United, while 15 percent said they had very negative feelings. The poll, which was conducted by Boulder's Talmey-Drake Research and Strategy Incorporated at the request of the Rocky Mountain News and Channel 4, also found that 62 percent of the folks whose flights had been canceled recently had been flying United.

"Those are devastating numbers," says Paul Talmey, president of Talmey-Drake. "It's real clear that if you are a company, you cannot have ratings like that if you have competition. Right now people are getting jacked around... Everybody understands that there is a problem, but when you don't do anything, that's when people get angry."

Talmey-Drake also asked about people's opinion of Janet Reno on the poll, and although Talmey can't release the results of that question yet, she couldn't have fared much worse than United.

While the stats are ugly, the individual stories behind them are downright gruesome. In this contest, we collected tales of delayed flights, canceled flights, bad service, worse service, lies, mistakes, incompetence, lost luggage, more lies, unbelievably rude flight attendants, confused pilots, sleepy pilots, mechanical problems, even more lies, and price gouging. Although many of the entries featured a combination of snafus, none, thank God, included every possible indignity. But our winning tale of woe, from Randy Roark of Boulder, came close.

Last week a spin doctor from the firm of Schenkein Public Relations, which represents United, called to ask whether we would accept United's perspective on the situation. "We have heard about your contest," she said. "And I just kind of wanted to gauge how receptive you would be to receiving information from us." We said we'd be glad to include United's perspective -- after all, our own up-close and personal experiences on United earlier this summer had inspired the contest -- and even asked if the airline wanted to help judge the entries or respond to the winners (or losers, depending on your perspective). But United's answer was somewhat delayed, and then, apparently, canceled altogether. We never heard back from the flack -- but perhaps she was busy composing the generic apology note that United released yesterday, which is reproduced on this page.

But you've all waited long enough this summer. So here, without further delay, is the winner's story (in his words, although condensed), a runner-up and several excerpts from other sad tales. Enjoy.