With my meeting coming up, I rushed out to some boutique and bought the first suit that fit me, found a pair of shoes and stocked up on toiletries (we'll get to that later - I like to save the best for last). Due to the exchange rate, I had to spend over $600 to get what I needed. On the bright side, however, I got good use out of that suit, because my luggage didn't arrive until two days (and several angry international telephone calls) later!!!
When I checked in at Heathrow to return to Denver, the agent informed me that my flight was (surprise) delayed and, as a result, I would miss my connection in Chicago (which was scheduled to leave at 11 a.m. Chicago time). He also told me that, while there were several other flights from Chicago to Denver that day, they were all booked and I wouldn't be able to get on a flight until 3 p.m. Wouldn't you know it -- my 3 p.m. flight was also delayed and didn't take off until after 5. Originally scheduled to get into Denver at 1:30 in the afternoon, I didn't get here until after 7 p.m.
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All in all, for my $1,200 round-trip ticket, I got one canceled flight, four significantly delayed flights, one lost suitcase and a reputation for wearing the same suit for three days straight.
But really, here's the best part. When I arrived at Heathrow on that Tuesday morning and learned that my luggage would be delayed, I asked United to give me one of those "freshen up" kits to take with me to my hotel. They said no. Not wishing to be so demanding, I modified my request and asked for just a toothbrush and a little tube of toothpaste so that I could at least brush my teeth after flying through the night. Again, no. Their rationale (and I'm not making this up): Passengers don't qualify for a free toothbrush or toothpaste until their luggage has been missing for at least 24 hours!! -- Amy Bailey
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The joke's on you: After the usual hour delay at DIA and an hour-and-a-half delay at O'Hare, I upgraded to first from Chicago to Albany. As we started to descend, the pilot was undecided about what to do, and, after circling for an hour, turned west, and we landed in Cleveland, a Continental hub that was all but closed. (Weather problem, "not our fault.") No cabs, no hotel availability, no flights. After a bit of arguing, I got $15 in meal credit (Cinnabon was the only thing open), and after waiting three hours, was offered a nine-hour bus ride to Albany, take it or leave it. I took it. I needed to get there. Of course, a requested return of my upgrade coupons was dismissed, so I asked for first class on the bus. They didn't even get the humor.
Plane drain: The absolute worst experience I ever had was when my diabetic sister-in-law was forced to sit in a plane with me for over five hours because we were waiting for an airplane part. After I kindly explained to the flight attendant that if he didn't let us deplane, my sister-in-law would go into diabetic shock, he replied, "Well, next time maybe you should bring more food with you. You didn't think that we would get you there on time, did you?"
Booze cruise: It started out easily enough: Fly from Australia to North America, stay with five different Internet friends in five different states, fly back home! My family and friends were horrified. Didn't I know the Internet was full of ax-murderers and rapists? I am here to tell you that the Net people were wonderful! It was United that managed to cause the only problems on my vacation! In seven flights, only onewas on time! The only saving grace was that late departures mean free alcohol!
Sweet dreams: The phone rang at 4:40 Monday morning. I answered, since my wife was dead asleep. It was United's baggage office in New York, asking if they should go ahead and send the bag to my in-laws' house now. "Denver would really be better, on account of MY WIFE'S NOT IN NEW YORK ANYMORE," I replied. "And by the way, do you know what goddamn time you just woke me up?"
"Yes," she replied. "It's 6:40. But it says here 'client was angry,' and when a client is angry, we like to do things right away." I explained time zones and customer service to her. She seemed interested in both concepts.
There's more -- so much more -- at westword.com/unitedairlines.
