Off Limits

No bang for the buck

And why not? He can't save his team.

This isn't the first time the state patrol has employed the "Take Two" gimmick to inspire better driving. Two years ago, for example, Colonel Lonnie J. Westphal, the patrol's chief, tried to convince us to take two seconds to flash the "V" sign -- not to indicate victory, but to encourage courteous driving and discourage road rage. But while we've noticed many, many drivers making hand signals since then, none have been in the configuration Westphal desired.

"We kind of downplay that," admits patrol spokesman Captain Steve Smee, "because most people think it looks stupid." And then, of course, there's the fact that a driver can't make the gesture while keeping both hands on the wheel.

Westphal himself modeled for the "V" campaign; the patrol has high hopes for Chamberlain's more telegenic efforts, part of its ongoing ADAPT (Aggressive Drivers Are a Public Threat) program, with cards now available at all state patrol offices. "The young man is articulate," Smee says of Chamberlain. "I just hope he doesn't get traded."

Giving the Broncos what fore!: Chamberlain's teammates spent much of the loss to New England on their duffs, which makes sense considering how many of them are duffers. On Monday a bunch of Broncos worked off their aggressions by golfing on a suburban course. And how did they know they'd be guaranteed a tee time? Because one of the players had slipped off the day before -- during the game -- to make the reservation.

Bag it: "Dear Mayor Webb, having a lousy time here in the Eastern Colorado wilderness. Wish you were here," reads the sandwich board of one striking baggage worker out at Denver International Airport -- way out at DIA. Because while Denver officials continue to yammer about all the free speech involved with the Columbus Day parade, the city is forcing the striking bag handlers to exercise their First Amendment rights out in the Mount Elbert parking lot, an isolated spot about three miles from the main terminal that's usually assigned to overflow, long-term employee parking.

Bad enough that when they're working, these folks have to suffer the ignominy of maintaining the allegedly automated baggage system, a boondoggle that prevented DIA from opening on time when it began eating baggage six years ago and still doesn't function the way it's supposed to. Now they have a picket line that's impossible to not cross, since no one can see it.

When the strikers apply for a new permit starting October 6, they'd do better to skip the airport altogether and head downtown: A float in the front ranks of the Columbus Day Parade could net them plenty of attention.

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