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Is Everybody Happy?

Smile, Denver! The tourists are in town.

Q: Weren't those voters also told that the city would need a giant hotel to support the new center? And that the expansion wouldn't go forward without such a hotel?

A: Oh, whatever guidebook you were reading must have had a misprint! Some voters may have thought that, but no one ever said that a hotel hadto be in place before the expansion could go through. Besides, the city sold $186.5 million in convention-center bonds last month, before the market went to hell -- excuse my French -- and is hoping to sell another $75 million this week. The bonds are backed by the current Colorado Convention Center, which makes them very secure. You look like a very wise investor. Would you like to buy some?

Q: Not right now, thank you; I'm still paying off my cab ride. But didn't the Denver City Council recently vote to give developer Bruce Berger a $60 million subsidy so that he could build such a hotel? And didn't a few of the councilmembers complain that the Denver Urban Renewal Authority had released very few details about the deal, which didn't even go out to a competitive bid?

A: Ha, ha! Those city councilmembers are a bunch of cut-ups, too! A world-class city needs world-class deals to attract world-class visitors! Free enterprise is a wonderful thing!

Q: And isn't Berger having some trouble getting financing for his Hyatt International hotel? Could that delay all of these projects?

A: Financing won't be a problem once the pesky unions quit complaining about their lack of representation at that new hotel and withdraw their silly threat to take the hotel subsidy question to Denver voters.

Q: Ah, democracy! But where will people stay until the hotel is built?

A: I'm sure they'll be very comfortable bunking in Colorado Springs. Everyone wants to see where the Texas Seven stayed, anyway.

Q: Now I have one last question: I had visited a farm in England before coming to your beautiful city. Why did they wash my shoes at DIA? What is this mad-cow concern?

A: Hey! Watch what you're calling a cowtown, you sour kraut!

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