Best Free Critter Counseling

Cats and dogs do the darnedest things. They like to eat floorboards, pee on bath towels when a litter box is available and stage passive-aggressive coups against their slumbering masters. Why, why, why do they do it? The staff that mans the Denver Dumb Friends League Animal Behavior Helpline has a few theories -- and they're willing to share with anyone who rings them up. After a telephone consultation (extension 346 for dogs, extension 348 for cats) during which a pet owner spells out the trouble, League workers propose a plan to correct the undesirable activity. If that doesn't work, the owner can call again and again. (The League also offers inexpensive classes on dog and cat behavior.) Phone in your pet peeves, or e-mail behavior@ddfl.org at any time, and the staff will get back to you during business hours with sage advice. And that's the straight poop. Or the lack of it!