Best Place to Get Groped for Cheap

Are you long on tension but short on cash? Heritage College of Massage performs full-body massages for just $19 -- quite a deal, compared to $60 or more for a rubdown at a high-end studio. Worried your spine will be karate-chopped mercilessly by some ham-fisted Massage 101 dropout? Relax -- the students who conduct the economy massage are advanced learners a step or two from graduation. Let these nimble-fingered newbies work you over with deep tissue, Swedish or other muscle-melting techniques. Massages are performed from 8:30 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. on weekdays, conducted in a private cubicle and featuring a slathering of massage oil and accompanied by the strains of new-age music to soothe the savage beast.