Lewis: "Channel 7's Lance Hernandez."
Floorwax: "Yeah, Lance. Anybody named Lance you know is going to make it in a gay magazine."
Brett Amole
The crowd gets down at the "Lewis & Floorwax
Pro-American Rally."
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Lewis: "Channel 4's Jim Benemann."
Floorwax: "Jim Bend-Over-Man? Is that what his name is? Jim Bend-Over-Man?"
During the more than twelve years since that show, the two haven't abandoned such adolescent shtick. Among the routines staged on more than one occasion of late was "Drunk Chick Friday," in which women were invited to the studio, provided with high-octane libation over the course of several hours and left to do and say stupid things. Thus far, Gloria Steinem has not volunteered to take part in this feature.
On many days, though, the tenor of the program, which can also be heard on XM Satellite radio, has been much less irreverent and unmistakably partisan when it comes to Iraq. These days, the Masters espouse a my-country-right-or-wrong philosophy that deems protesters as traitors giving aid and comfort to the enemy, a viewpoint that seemed to have been discredited during the late '60s and early '70s -- the era from which a great deal of classic rock stems -- but now is back in vogue. Typical was the March 27 broadcast, in which war came up time and time again. Lewis and Floorwax even sent a verbal bouquet to British prime minister Tony Blair during a conversation with antediluvian keyboardist Brian Auger, who many of us were sure had caught a ride on the Oblivion Express long ago.
Later, as a transition from a commercial break, the Fox's board operator cranked Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the U.S.A.," the sentiments of which Floorwax praised in a fairly Ronald Reagan-like way; back in the '80s, Reagan latched on to the song without realizing that it's actually a bleak portrait of an embittered Vietnam vet for whom it definitely wasn't morning in America. When it faded, Lewis mentioned that he thought Springsteen had signed an advertisement in Rolling Stone opposing hostilities in Iraq before war broke out. Floorwax didn't have much of a problem with that. To him, opposing war before it was declared was fine -- but afterward, it's a different story. Floorwax had harsher words for bicyclist Lance Armstrong, who recently said he doesn't represent one side or the other as concerns the war, regardless of his promotional relationship with the United States Postal Service. In Floorwax's mind, Armstrong is guilty of the purest hypocrisy for taking government money without defending government policy.
Of course, Lewis and Floorwax's insistence that their "pro-American rally" wasn't also, in Goin's words, "pro-war" and "pro-Bush," makes them guilty of exactly the same thing. Clear Channel execs may not have demanded that all its stations gather listeners to cheer the old red, white and blue, but they certainly aren't punishing those that do, no matter how biased it makes them seem.
DNA test: As was made clear in a recent column ("Penetrate This," February 27), the Denver Newspaper Agency has turned into a very lucrative enterprise. Indeed, a March 26 Rocky Mountain News report by David Milstead pegged the DNA's profits in 2002 at $67.6 million, a thirteen-fold increase over the previous year. The next day, a Denver Post article offered clues about how the agency will try to keep the greenbacks flowing in the future; journalist Kelly Pate wrote that the DNA "will lay off up to ten people in its prepress division within thirty days." These weren't the first layoffs at the agency -- an employee in the new-media department had been given word of an impending heave-ho about a week earlier -- but they were the most substantial cuts to date. In an agreement with various unions that had supported the joint operating agreement between the News and the Post, the DNA had pledged not to eliminate positions for a two-year period, which ended a few short weeks ago. Now that the handcuffs are off, expect the ax to swing more freely.
Another instance of penny-pinching is even more telling. On March 19, the blizzard of 2003 was at full roar, and officials such as Governor Bill Owens asked citizens not to leave their homes unless there was an emergency. Yet DNA employees who followed this command were informed that they would have to use a vacation day, a personal day or an unpaid day off to make up for their absence. DNA spokeswoman Fran Wills puts it bluntly: "Our policy for employees who were unable to attend work is in compliance with our company guidelines -- that we compensate employees for time worked."
With compassion like that, next year's profits should be through the roof.
