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No parking zone

You won't find such poetry at this year's Queer Prom, the tenth sponsored by Rainbow Alley, where the theme is more empowerment than classic romance. Superstar will set the tone for GLBT students from across the state -- and as far away as Montana and Texas -- shaking things up at the Tivoli on Saturday night. The intergenerational (meaning those older hipsters who never made their own scene are welcome, too) prom offers traditions with a twist. For example, a prom king and queen will be crowned, but a Drag King and Drag Queen will also don tiaras. Before that, though, they'll rally 'round the State Capitol promoting peace, and they'll picnic in Cheesman Park. And there's an after-prom party at Rainbow Alley, Denver's drop-in center for GLBT youth.

Considering the theme, we can only guess that the fashions will be fab -- none of those bland Neiman Marcus dresses for this crowd. "It's pretty varied," says Julie Voyles, youth-services director at the center. "Anywhere from people in drag to street clothes to full-on tuxedos. Just keep your clothes on -- that's our only guideline."

Hey, no one remembered to mention that rule at the Mr. DU contest at the University of Denver on April 30. About halfway through the show, an unidentified male lifted the curtains and exposed himself to the 300-plus people in the crowd. No arrests were made, and the show did go on; Max Goldberg eventually won with a drag performance.

Maybe he could make an encore appearance at the Queer Prom.

Ice, ice baby:While publicly, sports talk is still yapping about Rockies pitcher Todd Jones saying that he wouldn't want gays in the locker room next to him, someone has been sneaking the Avs' secrets out of the Pepsi Center and onto the Internet. One alert reader visiting the Denver chat room on gay.com was surprised to find rather descriptive postings describing the genitals of Peter Forsbergand Joe Sakic-- with details only their loved ones or nosy team members might know. The chatter claimed he'd gotten access to the Avs locker room and revealed that one team member is so "friggin' long he swings when he walks."

The Avs claim to know nothing of our spy guy. "We strictly, strictly limit access to our locker room," says Jean Martineau, director of media relations.

Unfortunately.

Lip service:If you're still living in the Cherry Poppin' Daddies-scooter-rockabilly culture, you're so fin. Now it's all about '70s trucker/ rock star. The mullet is deck, a John Deere cap is the ultimate status symbol, and an old Camaro or Trans Am the wheels of choice (note the word "old"; the new ones were never sexy).

Which means the mustache is back -- right after poor Tom Martino finally shaved his, and Jo Farrell be damned. She's the image consultant who told Penfield Tate III to shave his before his mayoral run and convinced Don Mares to banish his back in 1996. The revelation that Mares used city funds to pay Farrell's consulting fee inspired the best joke of the campaign: Sue Casey quipped that one of the reasons she didn't use an image consultant was that she liked her mustache.

Do you? See if you can match these five Denverites -- Ari Zavaras, Wellington Webb, Martino, Casey and Ron Zappolo --with their stiff (and, in some cases, stripped) upper lips.

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