"NOW SHOWING IN THE FAMOUS TANCREDO BASEMENT
MUCH ADO ABOUT NUTHIN'
John Johnston
Congressman Tom Tancredo today.
The early years: Tancredo at his most adorable.
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A SIMPLE STORY ABOUT AN ITALIAN BOY AND HIS REMODELED BASEMENT, WITH A TOUCH OF SHAKESPEARE. ONE PART COMEDY, ONE PART TRAGEDY!!
STARRING MIKE LITTWIN AS THE FOOL.
DIANE CARMAN IN HER FAMILIAR ROLE OF BLEEDING-HEART LIBERAL.
GAIL SCHOETTLER IN HER RETURN TO THE SILVER SCREEN AS THE GOVERNESS.
MOVIE SAVED BY THE APPEARANCE OF MIKE ROSEN AND AL KNIGHT AS THE TRUTH SQUAD.
THE EDITORS OF THE DENVER POST ACTED BY THE LYNCH MOB PLAYERS.
THE MATRICULA CARD LINE DANCE PERFORMED BY A CAST OF THOUSANDS.
RATED "RM" (RADICAL MULTI-CULTURALISM). SOME CONTENT DEEMED INAPPROPRIATE FOR DEMOCRATS.
"TWO THUMBS UP!": THE MEXICAN CONSUL.
"My staff made that for me," Tancredo says, beaming. "Talk about too much time on their hands. I guess that's what happens when it isn't that close an election," which he won over weak, underfunded opponents with a measly 67 percent of the vote. "We printed up fifty or a hundred of them and sold them for $50 apiece."
Around that time, Tancredo is called upstairs to pose for a photo -- and within moments, he announces, "We've been busted!" Jackie, it seems, was down the street at a yard sale, trying to talk a neighbor into giving up a little red wagon that wasn't part of the designated merchandise. When she failed, she returned to find that her home had been invaded.
After aiming some comically dirty looks at Tancredo, Jackie resists the urge to send everyone packing. A no-nonsense sort with a wry sense of humor (a nice attribute to have, considering her husband), she welcomes the intruders and even takes one on a mini-tour of the house, which is lined with photos of grandchildren. Then she sits down over a glass of iced tea to discuss the way she met Tancredo -- she was a language teacher at Drake Junior High when he was on staff -- and their many trips to Russia with groups of schoolchildren. The conditions during the old Soviet era were deplorable, so they often smuggled over goods (jeans, perfume, etc.) that Jewish residents and others suffering from discrimination and ostracism could use as barter.
"The students came back absolutely adoring America," Jackie says. "Each trip, when we would take off for home, they would always start applauding."
A few minutes later, Jackie returns to what she'd been doing before her beloved decided to throw Lara Kennedy's caution to the wind. Tancredo stays on the porch, cigar clenched between his teeth, a look of satisfaction on his face. "I'm not much for planning," he says, "but everything usually works out."
Breaking the rules may work at home, but not necessarily at the House of Representatives. Thus far, Tancredo hasn't been able to parlay his notoriety into much genuine political clout. "I'm not a chairman of a committee," he points out. "I'm not a powerful member of Congress. I'm a third-term congressman, and that's all. People ask me, 'Where are you on the totem pole?' And I say, 'On the totem pole? What do you mean on?' All I've got is my vote and my voice."
Since that voice is often amplified by Fox News -- he's practically a regular contributor -- Tancredo isn't quite as inconsequential as he indicates. He's the man behind the Immigration Reform Caucus, which now includes more than sixty members of Congress (two of them Democrats), and receives invitations to speak from across the country. At such gatherings, he'll often be introduced like so: "If your dinner came late, or if it's cold, you can blame this guy. When he came in, we lost half the waitstaff and all the kitchen help." Tancredo thinks this is very funny, and he's just as amused that the California Coalition for Immigration Reform is selling "Tancredo for President" bumper stickers for two dollars a pop on its Web site, http:/ /ccir.net/products.html. "It's not a realistic thing, but it's a conversation starter," he says. "After people ask, 'Who the hell is Tom Tancredo?' you can tell them what's going on with immigration."
He could be doing a lot more to endear himself to Republican leaders, but he's never really played that game. When he was first elected to Congress, he asked to join the Africa subcommittee of the International Relations committee because years earlier, he'd seen a presentation about Sudan at Cherry Hills Community Church, which he attends, and promised himself he would do something to improve the situation there. "I'd never had anything like that happen to me before," says Tancredo, who became an evangelical Presbyterian about fifteen years ago. "I mean, God doesn't talk to me." Subsequently, current House majority leader Tom DeLay "came to me and said, 'I need you to go on a different committee because of this, that and the other. We need a Western vote.' And I said, 'Which one would I have to give up?' And he said, 'International Relations. That's no good, anyway. You can't raise a dime on International Relations.' And I said, 'I have to tell you a story...'"
