Off Limits

Stop-and-gonad traffic

Maybe if this city-leader thing doesn't work out, Hick can head to Los Angeles and lend his piano skills to future X recordings.

The saga continues: Everybody's favorite constitutional activist, former U.S. Senate candidate Rick Stanley, is pulling out all the stops.

Earlier this month, after Denver District Court Judge Robert Patterson issued a bench warrant for Stanley's arrest in connection with a 2002 weapons-possession conviction, the accused issued a literal call to arms to his militia comrades. Stanley had appealed his conviction to the Colorado Supreme Court -- arguing that he had the constitutional right to brandish weapons in Denver -- but the state's highest court declined to hear his case. Stanley had also appealed to the Colorado Court of Appeals, which also denied him a hearing, this time for lack of jurisdiction. Now he's appealing to the U.S. Court of Appeals. But in the meantime, Patterson says, Stanley needs to serve the six-month sentence that he handed down last year.

"He's saying he has jurisdiction on me in this case, when he does not," Stanley responds. "He's ignoring their own rules."

Although he has no specific reason to believe that the Denver Police Department will come and get him -- other than an "armed-and-dangerous" label in a report filed by DPD lieutenant Michael Quihones -- Stanley insists that an attack is imminent, because "that's the way they have been doing it all across the country. I'm waiting for them to attack me, and then I will defend myself."

And last Thursday, the attacks came. Sort of. In Stanley's regular e-mail newsletter, the "Stanley Scoop," he informed his devoted readers that the Denver SWAT team sent "a large gray swat van, sirens blowing and lights blazing to park in front of my place of business, and cut off the power."

But before he had the chance to call for help -- he says he has 500 sympathizers ready to respond within 48 hours; they have already received directions to the office of Stanley Fasteners, which is also his home -- the alleged SWAT team left. After only ten minutes. And the power returned.

Denver Police Department spokesman Sonny Jackson wasn't aware of the SWAT affair but said it sounded "erroneous" to him.

Either way, Stanley will be well-armed. "I will have some surprises for the good thugs who are besieging me," Stanley writes. "I will use everything at my command, and I will have high ground with tremendous firepower. Helicopters will be destroyed if used against me, as will tanks.... Come prepared with force of arms, bottles, cloth, gasoline, etc., all the fun things you will need to defend. Once attacked, I will be shooting everything in sight that is attacking me. You should use the same tactic.... If they should kill me before you get there, make sure that these bastards are prosecuted in Federal Court on behalf of my wife and family and sue the City of Denver for everything they have got. I am not without resources. My wife will know what to do."

His other suggestions: Write your congressman and Hickenlooper, "a good man I supported."

With friends like these....

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