Off Limits

The dangle angle

Calling Dr. Freud!

Check-it-out time: There are no Freudian slips in "Kobe Inn," the song parodying Kobe Bryant's legal woes that's now playing on "Slim's Phat Five @ 9" and quickly becoming one of KS 107.5-FM's most requested tunes.

The spoof, rapped to the tune of Chingy's hot "Holidae Inn," wasn't recorded by a big name making lots of bling-bling. No, "Kobe Inn" was written and sung by Intern Dave. In real life, he's Dave Jacobson, a 22-year-old University of Denver senior who's interning with the station's Morning Show with Larry, Kendall and Kathie.

"It was pretty flukish," Jacobson says. "I was sitting in the studio on a boring Saturday, and the idea just came to me, so I went with it. I didn't think it would get any play outside of the Morning Show, but everybody's showing me a lot of love."

With requests pouring in for "Kobe Inn," the station is now playing the song several times a day. "My little two-minute nothing has turned into something that people are requesting and talking about," says Jacobson, a communications major who has been fetching coffee and dressing up as the Morning Show's "Kash Kow" for more than a year.

"It's surreal. I've done what they needed me to do, and they've really allowed me to spread my wings," he says. "Hopefully, someday they'll give me a damn job. Just kidding!" Or maybe some royalties for the song, which goes like this:

Knee was actin' up, headed to Eagle County

for surgery, but I got groupies all around me.

I'm on my way, let me stop by the store

Get a twelve-pack of the Trojans, I'm talking magnum gold, ya know?

Now I'm on highway I-70 'bout to get me some

balls already numb, 'cause Vanessa won't give me none.

Pull up. Stop. Park. See this blonde grinnin'

Chick gon' get it like Michael Jackson be gettin' at children.

Yeah that's me, Kobe Bean, equipped with much ding-a-ling

Wifey with kids, she won't suspect a thing.

I just came to cut, and get away with it

and now I'm crying like a bitch at my arraignment.


(Whatcha doin?) Kobe chillin' at the Holiday Inn

(Who you with?) Sure not my wife, some chick that gets off at ten.

(What we gon' do?) Get on each other with or without consent

One thing leading to another, now I got indicted.

Stop, drop, kaboom, only rubbed on her nipples

now compared to R. Kelly a.k.a. Mr. Tinkles.

Now I'm sinking, swimming in shoes made out of cement

cause my dumbass forgot to sign a prenuptial agreement.

Half of my bling, plus Vanessa taking my things

till I bought her off with a 4 million dollar ring.

Gullible hoe, should know, that I would do it again

Assuming these crackers acquit me and I stay out the pen.

Anyway, until that day I'll keep a grin on my face

and keep on lying, Shaq is crying, Lakers sit in last place.

And in the end, guilty or not, the truth will come out one day.

Till then I'll distract your attention

Did I mention Scottie Pippen's gay?

Hit the lights: Even the City of Denver has been paying special attention to body parts. For the past month, the Denver City and County Building has been lit up like an Easter egg, all bright pink and in your face. And why?

This is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and City Hall is very aware of breast cancer. In fact, it's one of just two causes for which the city's director of public office buildings, Dan Barbee, will change the color scheme of the approximately 30,000 bulbs that light the building. This month City Hall twinkles pink for breasts; last month it shone blue for balls, to mark Prostate Cancer Awareness Month. And coming soon, of course, is the annual holiday display, which incorporates every color under the rainbow -- and a few that nature never imagined.

"The displays of pink and blue for breast- and prostate-cancer awareness are the only other times when we install lights on the building, mainly due to budget restrictions," says Barbee, who estimates that it takes about 120 hours of labor to complete the color change. "Obviously, we can't spend all of our time putting up lights."

But former mayor Wellington Webb directed Barbee to ignore the budget in favor of those two causes. "It's been directed by the mayor's office as to what we do," Barbee says. "Prostate cancer was added a few years back, when Mayor Webb underwent prostate surgery."

Now it's breast cancer's turn. And that pink glow is a much more tasteful reminder of the disease than a certain sign outside Glendale strip club Shotgun Willie's, which noted that "October is Breast Awareness Month."

Go speed racer: Anyone who's watched the ten o'clock news on Channel 4 recently couldn't miss the fact that the station "exposed" the illegal drag racing that's been happening right here on Denver's mean streets. (Really? Who knew?) But KCNC hasn't shared this little detail with viewers: Just like the lead-footed kids, nighttime anchor Molly Hughes knows all about the smell of burning rubber -- and not just from the professional side of the camera.

« Previous Page
Next Page »
My Voice Nation Help