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Pop Quiz

November 27, 2003
Biggest Turkeys Ever!

1. How many pancake breakfasts could Bronco Daryl Gardener have bought at the Aurora IHOP (where he hurt his hand in a fight last summer) with the salary he's expected to lose from a one-game suspension?

A. About 500, give or take.

B. None. He's known as a selfish guy, despite his $30 million contract.

C. 6, 432 (without a tip).

D. Enough to feed the town of Meeker (estimated population 2,242) for a week.

2. Billionaire Phil Anschutz's Walden Media has teamed up with that major mousehaus, Disney, to release a new Around the World in 80 Days. Who is not in this remake?

A. Kathy Bates.

B. Spike Lee.

C. Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

D. Rob Schneider.

3. Wild turkeys, unlike their domesticated kin, are wily and hard to bag. What else is true about these feast-shunning fowl?

A. They can motor along the ground at 20 mph.

B. Their cries mimic those of both gray screech owls and Robinson's corvids.

C. Their average wingspan is wider than that of Nuggets guard Earl Boykins.

D. Most hens weigh more than a large bowling ball.

4. Representative Marilyn Musgrave is currently running TV ads urging senior citizens to thank her for what?

A. Sharing her turkey and stuffing recipes. Who knew Velveeta could make such a feast?

B. Speaking out against the use of hip-hop terms such as "bling bling" among public-school kids.

C. Urging the removal of Yasir Arafat and "all his ilk."

D. Supporting the Republican, AARP-endorsed version of Medicare reform.

5. Cultural bonus: Before leaving office in 1991, Mayor Federico Peña recognized a Denver Thanksgiving institution by:

A. Imagining a great city, as well as a dinner to go with it.

B. Announcing his plan to build a turkey of an airport out on the plains.

C. Naming East 34th Avenue "Bruce Randolph Avenue," in honor of the restaurateur/philanthropist.

D. Running a marathon in under three hours while dressed like a turkey.

Answers:

1. C. Gardner is slated to lose $38,529.41 from his one-game suspension. At $5.99 a pop, that works out to better than 6,400 breakfasts.

2. B. No Spike in this hot-air fest, but Arnold makes a cameo.

3. A: Wild turkeys can bolt at speeds up to 20 mph. Their wings don't stretch past five feet, so Boykins is bigger. Barely.

4. D. Supporting the Medicare reform bill. Thanks, Congresswoman, from all of us, young and old alike. Thanks for being you.

5. C. The late Daddy Bruce Randolph fed thousands at his free Thanksgiving feeds.

 
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