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Have a Holly Jolly...Urp!
December 11, 2003

1. Which food would not be a breeding zone for bacteria if left at room temp for more than two hours?

A. Roast turkey.

B. Shrimp.

C. Yummy baked ham.

D. Brain tacos.

2. Which is not a symptom of food poisoning?

A. Rockies pitching.

B. Weakness.

C. Fever.

D. Dehydration.

3. Pets can really take a beating during these festive times. Which of these should not be part of Fido's Christmas/Hanukkah/ Kwanzaa goodie bag?

A. Chocolate Santas.

B. Kibble Hickenloopers.

C. Forsberg Meatballs.

D. Filet Musgrave.

4. Finish this sentence: "Eating poinsettias will make you..."

A. Deader than a Democrat's chances of unseating Congressman Tom Tancredo.

B. As sluggish as Broncos non-performer Daryl Gardener.

C. Mildly upset, sort of like the feeling you get driving south on I-25 past the Tech Center.

D. As frisky as Governor Bill Owens.

5. Cultural bonus: Which of these stomach-burning galas is headed our way in the holiday stretch?

A. A Battlebot Christmas.

B. Santa's Lil' Ho's.

C. Burlesque XXXMas.

D. Buddy Pucky's Harmonica Slay-Ride.

Answers:

1. D. Like the other choices, brain tacos would be dangerous if they sat around for two hours -- but aren't brain tacos always the first thing you grab at a holiday potluck?

2. A. The Rockies' hurling is a symptom of stoopidus managedementus, which is similar to food poisoning but not the same.

3. A. Santas, since chocolate can kill canines. The rest would be plenty unappetizing to humans, but dog-healthy.

4. C. Mildly upset. According to Denver Health, "poinsettias are not very toxic despite common belief."

5. C. Nothing says "Season's Greetings" like a visit from strippers Dita Von Teese and Kitten on the Keys.

 
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