Mistletunes

Rounding up holiday discs that offer season's greetings -- and beatings.

A A A Comments By Michael Roberts Thursday, Dec 18 2003

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The purpose of Carly Simon is to convince those who purchased last year's Christmas Is Almost Here (Rhino) to shell out for a "2003 Edition" with just two new cuts: a glacially paced "White Christmas" arranged by Burt Bacharach, and "Forgive," a sonic fragment sporting the harp of (shudder) Andreas Vollenweider. Yeah, and maybe you should pay a second time for that fruitcake you picked up twelve months ago, too, since it's probably grown some bonus mold by now. But for God's sake, don't shell out for Mary-Kate and Ashley's Cool Yule (Dualstar/Columbia), a reissue of a 1993 disc built around the untalented twosome of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. The twins' prepubescent twittering on "I Do Believe It's Christmas Eve" and other patience-testers demonstrates that their success as children was based much more on packaging than talent. Today, of course, their popularity with kids (mine, anyway) is waning even as it's skyrocketing among sexual deviants with lesbian-incest fantasies. If their clothing line bombs, they can always tongue-kiss at next year's MTV Video Awards...

Is that a Christmas stocking in your pants, or are you just enjoying the holidays?

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