By Joel Warner
By Michael Roberts
By Alan Prendergast
By Michael Roberts
By Michael Roberts
By Amber Taufen
By Patricia Calhoun
By William Breathes
1. According to an article on page one of the January 1, 2003, Denver Post, downtown Denver looked like what last New Year's Eve?
A. "Fort Lauderdale during spring break."
B. "Baghdad on a bad night."
C. "The National Western Stock Show during the mutton-bustin' event."
D. "A Franciscan monastery."
A. The annual Beulah Log Festival involves a hunt for a log hidden in the woods; the person who finds it must shout "Halueb!"
B. The town was originally called Mace's Hole, after a notorious horse thief.
C. Residents of the town wanted to bury a plastic time capsule near the site where the infamous Muldoon Man was found, to be opened in January 2101.
D. The town is named after Spradley's great-great grandmother, Beulah Bunde, who was known throughout the valley for her blackberry jam.
3. Former House Speaker and current state insurance commissioner Doug Dean once called another state entity this:
A. "A terrorist cell."
B. "A rogue agency."
C. "A threat to domestic order."
D. "A home for the halt, a way station for the lame."
4. When asked this past spring how much beer could be made from the water in Denver's reservoirs, then-relative unknown John Hickenlooper replied:
A. "Enough to fuel my presidential ambitions."
B. "It depends. Remember, beer is nearly a perfect recyclable resource."
C. "Approximately 5.2 million barrels, give or take a six-pack."
D. "What kind of idiot question is that?"
A. When she was a child, her favorite show was Perry Mason.
B. A Broncos logo is tattooed on her left biceps.
C. She has had four breast implants.
D. She studied classical ballet and once danced the role of the Sugar Plum Fairy.
6. At a city-sponsored briefing for mayoral hopefuls last January, then-mayor Wellington Webb advised:
A. "Each of you is going to have to address the issue: There will not be enough revenue to cover personnel costs."
B. "I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. And mine are plenty big enough."
C. "Want me to let you in on a secret? Open more farmers' markets!"
D. "To quote Missy Elliott: ŒThe way to succeed? Work it!'"
7. As the May election neared, the soon-to-be-term-limited Webb got his own dig into longtime Webb watchdog Don Mares by:
A. Wearing a button that read "Audit the Auditor."
B. Cutting in line to get a second helping of cake at the Blair-Caldwell African American Research Library festivities before Mares got his first piece.
C. Urging those at the library's grand opening ceremony to vote for Hickenlooper, Zavaras or Tate.
D. Quipping, "The old gray Mares ain't what he used to be."
8. The title of the first "theatrical" film listed on the Colorado Film Commission's filmography is:
A. Alferd Packer Unpacked.
B. Lynching at Cripple Creek.
C. Festival of Mountain and Plain.
D. Uh-oh, Yuppies Ho!
9. In a sign of the slumping economy, what Colorado landmark shut down?
A. The Mount Princeton Hot Springs, because the water level was too low.
B. The Hiwan Homestead in Evergreen, due to the high cost of fuel.
C. Denver's Aqua Golf, after an infestation of mites overtook the ducks.
D. Joe Cocker's Mad Dog Ranch Fountain Cafe in Crawford, now bereft of bikers.
10. Governor Bill Owens dismissed the appearance of a liberal celebrity at a governors' gathering with this snub:
A. "Unless he has a wad of cash, I'm not listening."
B. "When I want someone's opinions on this fiscal mess, I'll beat it out of him."
C. "Talk about ludicrous: You take 35 governors and have them listen to Meathead."
D. "I'd get more clarity from Ozzy Osbourne."
11. Hippie child and Boulder High grad Zora Andrich could claim all but one of the following before she claimed (briefly) Joe Millionaire's heart.
A. Psychic gifts.
B. The homecoming queen's tiara.
C. A stint on the Colorado Coyotes, the women's semi-pro softball team.
D. A substitute teacher's certificate.
A. The senator was reading (Bukowski, no less) while wearing glasses.
B. Allard was reaching for Doritos.
C. The vet-turned-pol was wearing a charcoal-gray suit.
D. Allard appeared to be friendly with Senator Tim Hutchinson.
13. This past season, a new fixture graced the Rockies locker room. It was:
A. A photo of Albert Einstein holding a baseball, on which the brainiac wrote the words "Everything's relative."
B. The world's first hyperbaric baseball pressure chamber, to keep balls altitude-friendly.
C. Letters from former fans telling the players how stinky they were in 2002.
D. A time clock similar to those used by hourly workers to punch in and out of their jobs.
A. No football helmets at practice.
B. No beer sales after the eighth inning of Denver Bears home games.