Off Limits

Pussy galore

Off Limits got called to the principal's office Tuesday morning. To talk about vaginas.

Patti Bippus, principal at the Denver School of the Arts, had refused to talk over the phone about the students performing Eve Ensler's Vagina Monologues for their senior project, insisting instead that we come over to the school and meet with her in person.

In the intervening decade since we spent too much time in our own principals' offices, not much has changed. But this is the era of the F-bomb, and no matter how staid the front offices remain, students are no longer content to put on another tired production of Oklahoma!. They're ready for cunts and vaginas and coochi snorchers. Rape, mutilation and abuse. Self-love, self-loathing and masturbation. All themes of The Vagina Monologues, which Ensler compiled from interviews with more than 200 women about their "down theres."

Ad nausea: CBS won't air an anti-Bush ad (top) during 
the Super Bowl, but ABC let in a few with questionable 
logic last year.
Ad nausea: CBS won't air an anti-Bush ad (top) during the Super Bowl, but ABC let in a few with questionable logic last year.
Give us a P: Andi Sue Irwin
Give us a P: Andi Sue Irwin

This month, Amherst Regional High School in Amherst, Massachusetts, became the first public high to allow the C-word to be uttered in the school auditorium -- and with the school board's permission. Glenn Close had earlier gotten 2,500 people to chant "cunt" as she said it on the stage of New York's Hammerstein Ballroom; Kate Winslet, Cate Blanchett, Gillian Anderson, Whoopi Goldberg and, not surprisingly, Gloria Steinem, have all said it, too. And now DSA seniors Maggie Alexander, Sara Price, Sahar Sattari, Ashley Kleinman, Tory Schneider and Briana Poznerare ready to shout it from the stage -- with the full support of principal Bippus.

But Denver, for all its liberal leanings, is no Amherst. So the girls won't be performing their senior thesis in the school auditorium, but at the Mercury Cafeon March 6, as part of the national V-Day campaign that Ensler started to dramatize violence against women. Proceeds from the show will benefit the Rape Assistance Awareness Program.

"At first Ms. Bippus thought we'd just picked up a book and wanted to do it because it was dirty," Pozner says. "But we met with her, made a whole proposal and included articles about why The Vagina Monologues is so powerful. She met with our parents and basically decided we should do it, but that we couldn't do it in school."

"This is such a powerful piece of dramatic literature that you cannot dilute it," Bippus explains. "We do that sometimes in schools, but this piece is not one you can do that with."

Not artistically, and not legally: In exchange for the rights to produce the play, Ensler demands that there be no taming of the material.

So instead, Bippus suggested the students find an outside venue; if they performed the show there, she promised they'd still get senior-thesis credit. And the girls were fine with the compromise: DSA houses grades six through twelve, and "we'd have felt uncomfortable performing it in front of junior-high students," Price says. All advertising must be done by word of mouth; no fliers are allowed on campus, in order to avoid any confusion over whether the show is school-sanctioned.

But the DSA doesn't shy away from controversial material entirely. In April, the Advanced Theatre class will perform Spring's Awakening, a play written in 1891 that addresses sexual themes, including a woman dying from abortion pills. "We really want to do things that give them the opportunity to explore their art," Bippus says.

"I think our school is a really liberal school, and we're really lucky to have that," Pozner says. "Usually when principals say no, they don't hear you out. Ours gave us a chance to present our case and really listened to us.

"I think that a lot of people don't realize that The Vagina Monologues are relevant to anybody of any age," she continues. "There are monologues where they do it from a thirteen-year-old's perspective. They go from any angle. I like that there's humor and sadness. It really inspires you. You get so excited about it, and that somebody decided to dedicate a play to all the women who have gone through so much."

Adds Alexander, "It's things we all know about and are dealing with."

"We just don't have the same take as a thirty-year-old woman," concludes Price.

Reach for the stars: Elvis was in the building. And former Penthouse Pet Andi Sue Irwin was none too happy about it. You see, the King had kicked her out of the star's dressing room for the debut of Glendale's Penthouse Club on January 20. In person, Irwin was much less buxom than in her pictures, and her legs were way too skinny, leaving her thigh-high boots to sag away from her body like some tired old stripper's boobs at the Paper Tiger. The men in the Penthouse's VIP room didn't even notice there was a stah in their presence; they were too busy chatting up the cocktail waitresses and other lovelies provided for their entertainment. Irwin was just another guest hanging in the corner, tapping her nails and waiting for thatman to get out of her dressing room.

But before he could emerge, a conflux of feathers and rhinestones came bursting out from behind the door. The other door. The one that led to the darkened nooks and crannies where the lounge's mix of middle-aged men and young hipsters were hoping -- hoping -- they'd end up with one of the blondes in the thongs, thigh-high stockings and merry widows. And once, when the door opened, we caught a peek of a gentlemen zipping up his pants. But what really went on behind the red velvet curtains and deep in the leopard-print upholstered couches was private -- well, as private as a row of five lap-dance stations could be. To the detriment of couples otherwise occupied, this narrow hallway led from the VIP room straight down to the thumping electronica club below. And now the Las Vegas-style showgirls were coming through, ready to shed their costumes in the dressing room -- much to the chagrin of Penthouse's Pet of the Year 1996. That left the Elvis impersonator, who was just exiting, a gaggle of bombshells and a pinup girl all congregated in too-close proximity. Had a midget walked by, the moment would have been truly Fellini-worthy.

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