Letters to the Editor

From the week of March 18, 2004

You can do better.

Jeff Donaldson

Spokes man: As one of those "oblivious" bicyclists who blast through Lafayette Park once or twice a month, and although I am about as suburban, straight and Republican as you can get, you don't have to be Rosie or Cojo to figure out what all those lone guys are doing there. As long as they don't block the path, do I care?

Given the post-apocalyptic look of Lafayette Park, I only occasionally stop to answer the call of a different sort of nature. (Hey, you try humping a middle-aged bladder twenty miles on bumpy bike paths while sucking potassium and phosphorus-laden electrolytes from a Camelback without you gotta stop and pee.) Each time I've been "approached" during one of these pit stops, I figured it's because I am one sizzling-hot 45-year-old skinny white guy. Now I learn from Westword that anything with the right plumbing configuration will get hit on by mullet-headed closet gays from Commerce City?

Well, there go all my fantasies, but you gotta wonder at a subculture that advertises places to engage in public sex that lack a certain, I dunno, romance? It's one thing to join the Mile High Club over Paris, or to tee off on the fourth green at Pebble Beach. It's quite another to solicit a quick, anonymous Monica in a trash-choked vacant lot under a freeway overpass in Adams County.

Lafayette Park will never pass for the Denver Botanic Gardens, but it's still a place where old ladies walk their Pekingese, young parents push prams, and little boys turn the towering ragweed and impenetrable brambles into Tarzan's (or Aragorn and Gimli's) jungles. I'd like it if I didn't have to slow down for any of them, sure, but unlike the gays yowling about the cops rousting them out of the dusty weeds there, I know that I don't own the place. Regardless of gays' rapidly diminishing claims to victimhood, no one has (yet) granted them the special right to turn public parks into their private whorehouses. Shrieking that it's all about bigotry when the cops do their job just makes gays and their hysterical protective organizations look even more foolish and pathetic.

JM Schell

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