By Joel Warner
By Michael Roberts
By Alan Prendergast
By Michael Roberts
By Michael Roberts
By Amber Taufen
By Patricia Calhoun
By William Breathes
Litter bug:Kenny Be's clumsy swats at the Denver logos are entirely too easy ("Pick of the Litter," April 8). In fact, they're expected and boring. They're a nine-year-old trying to sneer. What? You didn't like Denver's logo choices? Well, isn't that just a fucking surprise? I would have been more impressed if Be had thought about it a little and found something interesting, insightful or -- gasp -- positive to say. But then, positive isn't funny. And funny is a hurtful need. They were easy shots at an easy target. It's like making a Britney Spears joke. Gee, that's funny. (Incidentally, Be's logos actually make the original three look pretty damn good.)
That said, yes, the idea of asking the public to comment on the logo choices is stunningly ignorant. Denver's bureaucrats either had no clue how the public views city marketing efforts (an easy target that can do no right), or they simply wanted a convenient way to kill all three logos. Either way, it's naive to think that opening the debate from a committee of dozens to a committee of hundreds of thousands is going to help anything. Even the iconic "I Love NY" logo would've been crushed in this kind of Kafka gang bang.
Does the city need a logo? Who knows. What it certainly needs is someone who can make a decision instead of letting it be made by Kenny Be and about 550,000 other armchair designers.
Walk, don't ride:High school kids confidently hurtle through school zones slouched in 3,000 pounds of over-powered steel while stuffing their faces with super-sized fries, slurping Starbucks Latte Grandes (with no-fat skim milk and six sugars), talking both on a cell and to the six kids in the back seat, and checking on their hair in those mirrors thoughtfully provided for just that purpose, no problem. But in "Taken for a Ride," in the April 8 issue, Adam Cayton-Holland thinks the distractions of the trek, figuring out a bus schedule and navigating a few busy streets on foot to get to school will tax their abilities beyond all reasonable expectation. I'm sure some of their only slightly senior cohorts navigating minefields in Afghanistan and being distracted by rocket-propelled grenades in Fallujah feel their pain. The horror, the horror!
To hear Cayton-Holland tell it, another thing no one's given enough thought to as Denver schools put Big Yellow out to pasture and invite kids to catch The Ride is that the poor schoolbus drivers -- apparently too stupid to read a newspaper, yet somehow bright enough to be allowed to haul a hundred kids around in a lumbering, top-heavy bus -- are completely unaware that they are about to lose their jobs. God knows, everybody else's job is carved in stone. Why, I know half a dozen typewriter repairmen on my block alone!
I'll spare the youngsters the uphill-both-ways story, but if they don't like RTD, there's always Keds. Given the reported incidence of obesity among kids of this age, maybe their hoofing it a couple or three miles every day wouldn't be such a bad thing. Hell, after a few weeks of such forced marches, some of those micro-miniskirt-clad girls whose delicate welfare Cayton-Holland worries over will gain something that should actually show itself in a micro-mini.
Seeing is believing:It was with alternating disbelief and fits of laughter that I read last week's response letters to your highly obvious April Fools' article, "Silencing Radio 1190." Anyone who actually believed that Betsy Hoffman would say the line about "lapping a dirty diaper" perhaps needs some lessons in sarcasm.
Moreover, it was particularly disturbing to find out that many of your readers evidently believe whatever they read. Hell, I don't know, but just maybe that explains so many of the "kill 'em all" attitudes about the CU football program and the idiotic, extreme anti-George Bush and/or Iraq war rhetoric found in so many letters to Westword.
So here's to the reinstatement of 1190 and freedom of speech and the hiring of John Elway at CU...and for the understanding of what's truth and what's fiction.
The straight poop:Yoooou dirty pranksters! I nearly pooped myself when I read the article about CU shutting off Radio 1190. That part about Clear Channel taking over really did it. I don't think I'm that gullible, but your prank had me going. I was ready to march to Boulder and kick someone's shins in! Good one!
via the Internet
P.S.: The CU football/radio stories were genius. Hilarious!
Own up:Thanks for your rumorific article on Owens's possible closet skeletons. In the third paragraph, you referred to "the Rocky Mountain Newsand the Denver Post," but only the second, third, fourth, seventh and eighth words in that phrase were italicized. The last time I phoned those papers, the phone receptionist indicated that they were both part of the same organization.