Retroactive

Remember Nelson? Of course you do. You know, the Teen Beat twins, Matthew and Gunnar, whose "(Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection" played endlessly during the summer of 1990. Well, they're back -- or, rather, they're still here. You'd think they would have been swept under the rug with all of those other one-hit wonders, but no. Nelson has survived despite having received neither love nor affection from most of us for the past fourteen years. In fact, the brothers went on to release six more albums since After the Rain, the album that spawned their sole hit. Here's something even more alarming: The Nelsons, who've since cut their trademark locks, also seem to be suffering from a case of mistaken self-identity. How else do you explain an e-mail they sent out to their fan club (yes, they have one) offering slots in the band's "Rock Star Fantasy Camp," which consists of a night on the bus with the guys? Apparently, for $1000, eager fans can break bread with the boys, talk to them one-on-one and just hang out while the bus is en route to its next destination. Oh, yeah, guests will also get their very own bunk and backstage passes. Hell, for a thousand bucks, "Camp" had better include some horizontal one-on-one time -- and it better be good. Seriously, the only fantasy here seems to be rooted in the fact that Matthew and Gunnar actually think they're "rock stars." But Nelson's concert tickets happily cost much less than the sleepover. Catch Ozzie and Harriet's towheaded grandsons this Wednesday, May 26, at Coors Ampitheathre, with headliners Styx and Peter Frampton.