Off Limits

Clothes call

 Luke Schmaltz is getting really good at his pratfall routine.

Last week, Off Limits reported that Schmaltz had stumbled through Vegas as part of Modern Drunkard's first annual drinkfest, er, convention; this past weekend, we found Denver's dexterous bartender back on home turf, strutting and somersaulting his way up and down the catwalk as a model in local designer Deb Henriksen's fashion debut.

Okay, so he wasn't holding a beer during the performance -- but just give him time. Besides, it would have been a major party foul if he'd spilled on the clothes.

I'm too sexy: Marika Evanger, Blackshear, Lindsey 
Newcomb, Crystal Moreno, McClurg and Chris 
I'm too sexy: Marika Evanger, Blackshear, Lindsey Newcomb, Crystal Moreno, McClurg and Chris Nelson.
Equillibrium catwalkers Luke Schmaltz and Leslie 
Equillibrium catwalkers Luke Schmaltz and Leslie McClurg.

Henriksen has been working on her Equillibrium Clothing line for the past two years, giving up a day job as an environmental health engineer to become a full-time designer. At the start, her designs primarily consisted of screen-printed tees, hoodies and thongs, but she's finally expanded into women's wear and accessories. "This has always been the game plan," Henriksen says. "I always sewed through high school, made my own clothes. But I had a science teacher who placed special interest in me, and I fell in love with science. So Equillibrium is the merging of the two. The logo definitely comes from my science background, and then there's my artistic side, which was just something that was on the down low."

As of Sunday, it's no longer on the DL. Approximately forty of Denver's SK8 punk and fashion luminaries -- including Fashion Lab's Josh and Tran Wills, Suavecito's Craig Peña and DC Gallery's Dina Castillo -- showed up at the back-alley entrance of an obscure Blake Street warehouse to witness Equillibrium become official. Brew flowed and Frontside Five rocked the party -- when bassist Brooke Crawford and drummer Rob Dogg weren't taking turns down the runway, showing off everything from a '50s-style "Polka-Dot Dream Dress" to a "Kat Skull Sleeveless Hood" and argyle cuffs.

And now the Chicagoan-turned-Colorado State University graduate -- "I'm really a hick at heart," Henriksen says -- is a boutique owner, having scored some great space at 3308 Blake Street, where boyfriend Ben Owens operates his screen-printing company. She's open Tuesday through Saturday from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. -- but her new skirts and dresses won't be available until the 2005-2006 season.

"I'm so excited about the birth of creativity finally happening in a new city," Henriksen says. "Coming from Chicago, it's like, what's the right wave to jump onto? But here, you've got to just start the wave."

Rage against the machine: On Friday, June 4, 52-year-old Marvin Heemeyer used a modified bulldozer to terrify Granby -- and once again shove Colorado to the top of the national news -- before killing himself in the 'dozer's cab. Among the thirteen buildings that Heemeyer damaged or destroyed during his hour-plus smashing spree were the town hall, the library and several commercial operations, including a bank and a Gambles store.

The next day, the news portion of the Rocky Mountain News gathered angry accounts about Heemeyer's actions under the wacky headline "'Dozer Rage" -- but a column in the same edition's Commentary section sported an unexpected Heemeyer moment of its own. "Business Strips: Need They Be So Very Ugly?," penned by Jay Ambrose, a former Rocky editor who's now the director of editorial policy for Scripps Howard Newspapers, began: "We need to respect property rights in America, but isn't there something we can do about commercial strips, such as bulldoze them into oblivion?"

Keep that man away from heavy equipment!

Meanwhile, keep Broomfield resident David Martin at the keyboard. He sure got Off Limits' engine running with his "Ten Reasons Every Colorado Guy Wants a D9 Bulldozer":

1. The gas mileage is too good on your SUV.

2. Can't find a parking place downtown? Now you will.

3. Your favorite restaurant doesn't have a drive-through? Now it will.

4. Your favorite bank doesn't have a drive-through? Now it will.

5. Your favorite city hall doesn't have a drive-through? Now it will.

6. Diesel is cheaper than gas.

7. Want to turn left on a red light? Go ahead!

8. No more pesky flat tires.

9. You ALWAYS get the right-of-way.

10. Driving a D9 is a CHICK MAGNET!

Crap happens: As a bartender at the Skylark Lounge, Ronnie Crawford has seen a lot of shit. But never "Commie Crap." He's not even sure what Commie Crap is, but according to Proud Patriot, an anonymous letter writer inspired by a May 13 Off Limits item, that's what Crawford must be.

As part of Crawford's effort to unseat President George W. Bush, he festooned the windows of his Broadway boutique, All American Vogue, with "Someone Less Dumb for President" pins, "Axis of Greed -- Cheney, Bush, Ashcroft" stickers, "Fuck Bush" T-shirts and even "Regime Change Begins at Home!" yard signs.

Which inspired PP to send Crawford the following:

If you don't like it here, head for Sawdie Arabia or Russia. They'll welcome you with open arms.Š I bet you and your customers smoke a lot of dope in the back room to help sales. I also bet there is a lot of gay activity after hours. Gays and Commies are two of a kind. I have never been in the Skylark bar where you work, but I bet that is a very gay bar or you wouldn't be working there.... You suck up our great American life and all it stands for and then turn your back on it and cozy up to the Russian masters. The Arabs love this kind of shit because it makes them want to attack our brave boys and pull their sneaky Arab bullshit. Arabs are pieces of crap. Their religion is absolute crap. Please, quite writing your crap in that bag of shit Westword and clean up your front window.

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