Off Limits

A sticky situation

APB! There's a thief on the loose, last seen in the vicinity of Fourth Avenue and Broadway.

According to artist Andy Brzeczek, a girl named Angela made a clean getaway with his glue gun a month ago. And he wants it back -- so badly that he's slapped up fliers around the Baker neighborhood. They picture the $5 gun with a tear dripping from its nozzle, accompanied by this plaintive plea: "Missing/Lost! Abducted Hot Glue Gun! I really miss her. She was the best Glue Gun ever. Does not answer to 'Glue Gun.' Last seen with a girl named Angela."

"It's so stupid," says Brzeczek, speaking not of his desperate posters, but the petty theft of his beloved glue gun. "I work at Meininger, and this girl said she had a project due that night, and we didn't have one at the store, so I said if you promise to bring it back, I'll loan you my glue gun. She said she lived just down the street. It's been four or five weeks now, and I have yet to hear from her or see her."

Tic tac d'oh! Andy Brzeczek's minty-fresh portraits of 
Homer Simpson, the Hamburglar, Garden Gnome, 
Bozo the Clown and Mr. T.
Tic tac d'oh! Andy Brzeczek's minty-fresh portraits of Homer Simpson, the Hamburglar, Garden Gnome, Bozo the Clown and Mr. T.

Actually, the perp has made her own demands known through posters that suddenly popped up in the neighborhood this past weekend. "Looking for Tic Tac Portraitist," they state. "Will Pay with Lovely 'Hot' Glue Gun. E-mail for photo."

Brzeczek hasnt gotten a response from redbunny (nor has Off Limits), but hes sure that the fliers refer to his glue gun, since hes the only tic tac portraitist in town. In fact, last month at Pirate, he mounted tictacular, a show featuring portraits of such pop-culture icons as Hunter S. Thompson and Homer Simpson, all done on the tiny breath mints. At $75 a pop, he sold enough to buy a new glue gun -- which he may have to do.

Because while informants keep calling in with sightings, hes no closer to getting his hands on his favorite tool. I got a call at 1:30 in the morning saying, I think we saw your glue gun, and it was walking downtown. It had a prostitute in one hand, in the other it had a forty, he says. Ive also gotten a few We got your glue gun right here, man, calls. But when he calls the callers back -- ah, the joys of caller ID -- the drunken dialers usually have no idea of the guns real whereabouts. One couple felt so bad that they promised to look out for the thief, and in the meantime offered Brzeczek the use of their own glue gun, as well as some dope. He declined.

I just want my glue gun back. Its that simple, Brzeczek says. Its not a hoax. I know that its trivial -- it was only $5 -- but its valuable to me. Its a matter of principle. This is important stuff. I was being a generous person, and I shouldnt be treated this way.

Guess who's coming to dinner? Josh Pool was eating brunch on the patio at Dixons two Saturdays ago when he discovered that a snake was dining at a nearby table. It was at least three feet long and three inches thick, he says. "We objected immediately, before the owner even set it down, and we told the woman and the waitress that we weren't going to sit by a snake. So we came into the restaurant and waited for the manager to have the woman removed. But [she] wasn't. "

So Pool called Dixons co-owner David Racine at sibling restaurant Racines, and when Racines answer didn't satisfy him, he left and called the Denver Department of Health. On Monday, two city inspectors appeared at Dixons -- and after investigating the situation, they informed staffers there that animals, even snakes, are allowed on restaurant patios if those patios encroach on a public right of way, such as the sidewalk along Wazee Street where Dixons sets up shop.

For lovers of both pets and patios -- there were two dogs dining outside Dixons when the snake made its appearance -- that interpretation sounded too good to be true. And as it turns out, it was. As far as the departments rules and regulations go, there shouldn't be a dog, a cat, a snake, unless it's a training dog, says health-department inspector Gina Oswald. "The patio is considered to be part of the seating, which is licensed under our rules and regulations. It's no different than a dog being inside a restaurant."

The department didn't cite Dixons for its unwanted guest. But even with the snake banished, Pool plans to stay away, too. "I was disappointed in general that a hostess would even allow a snake to walk through the restaurant," he says. "We were treated like second-class citizens, even though we were the ones just eating our meal there normally."

Meatballs: Gadfly Rick Stanley did not go pasta point of no return Sunday night. The former Libertarian candidate for U.S. Senate/current gun crusader managed to keep his most lethal weapon holstered at a dinner for roughly a hundred of his nearest and dearest anti-government cohorts. "The event went very well," says Nicole LeFevre, manager of the downtown Maggiano's. "We had no problems."

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