Roll Call

Colorado's Senate wannabes vote from the heart and gut.

If you could prevent your tax dollars from funding one thing, what would it be?

Coors: “$50 million rainforest that the federal government built in Iowa and other wasteful pork projects.”

Miles: “No Child Left Behind. Also very important to have prevented would have been the Medicare discount drug card and portions of the Patriot Act.”

Salazar: “Corporate tax subsidies to tobacco interests.”

Schaffer: “France.”

If you could only fund one federal program, what would it be?

Coors: Military/national defense.

Miles: [No answer]

Salazar: “Head Start. Education makes this country stronger in every way. A quality education in this country cannot be only for the privileged. Head Start is a program that balances the playing field, gives young children who really need it the attention and preparation they need to be successful students, and makes this country a stronger, more just nation.”

Schaffer: The United States Marine Corps.

What’s the one issue that has been raised in the Senate race that you feel is totally inconsequential?

Coors: “Nothing is inconsequential.”

Miles: “Re-naming monuments.”

Salazar: “Some have criticized me for wearing my cowboy hat. I’ve worn hats and caps for nearly fifty years and won’t stop now.”

Schaffer: “Pete Coors’s proposal to lower the drinking age, legalize teenage consumption and teach kids about drinking in schools.”

You want to give your new Senate office a makeover. What reality-TV show would choose for the renovations: While You Were Out, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy or This Old House?

Coors: “I would enlist the crew from Trading Spaces because they stick to a strict budget.”

Miles: “Sorry. I haven’t seen all of these shows, so I can’t answer.”

Salazar: “This Old House.”

Schaffer: “While You Were Out. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is already under contract to remodel the new Coors/Molson corporate offices.”

Star Gazing

Colorado’s had a long line of larger-than-life personalities warming the seats of Congress and the U.S. Senate. To find out who could keep the tradition of Pat Schroeder, Gary Hart and Ben Nighthorse Campbell alive, we asked local psychic Julia Stonestreet Smith, who reads for the Twelfth House bookstore, to see what the stars hold for each of the candidates. “I’ve never met any of these folks; I don’t even know what most of them look like,” says Stonestreet Smith. “I know little to nothing about their lives.” That includes the fact that Schaffer strongly identifies with the religious right — something she was able to divine only from knowing his date, time and place of birth. Here’s how she reads each of their charts:

Pete Coors, 57, born in Denver, Colorado

Pete is a Libra with the planet Neptune conjunct with his sun, which is also in Libra. This makes it very easy to project whatever you want onto him. Neptune is the planet of dreams and illusions and may tend to make Coors a bit mysterious and more than a bit glamorous. This candidate may come across as shy one moment and very charismatic the next.

Religion probably played an important part in his childhood. The search for meaning and, as an extension, spirituality, is reinforced by the Pluto/Saturn conjunction in the ninth house. (The ninth house represents the pursuit of education, spiritual ideas and travel.) This candidate values education and could make the funding of higher education one of his key issues. Coors has probably made travel a top priority in life and values the experience it has brought him. This is also the part of his personality that struggles to make meaning out of life. He probably has a rather tough inner critic. Saturn and Pluto both tend to be stern and discipline-oriented.

The Venus/Moon conjunction in Scorpio gives him a quiet kind of emotional intensity. He will not forget a slight easily or quickly. This candidate can hold a grudge! He will be especially rough with anyone who threatens his family. This is a passionate person, but because the two planets fall in the twelfth house, Coors can get lost in his own feelings sometimes, making it hard to see the issues with impartiality.

With Mars and Jupiter together in Scorpio, this candidate has an abundance of energy but may tend to be secretive about his agenda. It will be hard to tell exactly what he stands for until he feels comfortably in power. No doubt he is very idealistic, with three planets in the eleventh house of hopes, wishes and dreams. His ideas may seem ahead of their time. This won’t be a problem if he can find a way to speak the language of the masses. With Coors, it may come down to his ability to share his vision honestly and in a way that makes sense to most folks.

Mike Miles, 47, born in Panama Canal Zone

Mike is a complex personality. The Sun and Jupiter are conjunct in his chart in the sign of Virgo. What’s interesting about this is that both planets (the Sun and Jupiter) are known for optimism and expansion in one of the most cynical signs (Virgo) in the zodiac. Virgo is also very service-oriented, so Mike should be motivated to help people and make things better. He can infuse a lot of optimism into his approach, while underneath it all he may feel very critical of the status quo. Mars is in opposition to his Sun/Jupiter conjunction, which could lead to a lot of fluctuations in his energy level. It may be a challenge for Mike to maintain intensity over a long period of time.

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