Top

news

Stories

 

By Hooker or Crook

Baseball's current stumble is part of a jarring pro-sports tumble.

As for Giambi, the Yankees are trying to void his seven-year, $120 million contract because, they say, the big guy was a bad boy in the steroids department and has got to go. Well, have a look at that bottom line: When Giambi was a .350 hitter and the American League's Most Valuable Player, nobody in the five boroughs bothered to peek inside his medicine cabinet. Now that he's batting a paltry .250 and coming off a series of mysterious ailments, including a visit by some kind of intestinal parasite, Giambi's suddenly a moral blight on Steinbrennerdom and a horrible example to the nation's youth. Yes, and the Boss will personally see to Jason's pension plan.

Truth be told, not all the mortal sins are being committed on the baseball diamond. Even as we speak, basketball star Ron Artest is up in the $200 seats punching out half-soused hecklers. Kobe Bryant, who likes to hit on hotel chambermaids, is accusing Karl Malone of hitting on his wife. The Snake flips the Bird. Melo gets caught on videotape with gangstas, but, word, that was somebody else's Baggie in his carry-on. Hockey thug Todd Bertuzzi takes to the exhibition ice up in Canada, and the fans give him a standing O. Marion Jones, the world's fastest woman, turns out to be as juiced up as Barry; now that Jones's track career is kaput, maybe San Francisco will take her on as a pinch runner.

Next thing we know, Lou Gehrig will turn out to be a child molester, and they'll start talking about how Jack Nicklaus used to sell heroin in the locker room at Augusta. Until then, we've got the ugly spectacle of baseball in ruins -- at least until they throw out the first pitch in April and everything is fine again. Given the current woes and many missteps, we might recall the time that the elegant wife of New York mayor John Lindsay, making cocktail talk with the aforementioned Mr. Yogi Berra, remarked that he looked very cool in his new summer suit. "Thanks," Yogi replied. "You don't look so hot yourself."

« Previous Page
 |
 
1
 
2
 
All
 
My Voice Nation Help
0 comments
 
Loading...