The Giants are without seven-time National League MVP Barry Bonds, who is without a functioning right knee -- not to mention a sense of social grace before the media. Bonds's old objectionable self is expected to be off the disabled list and back on the field of failed role models sometime between mid-May and his next contract negotiations.
After three tilts with the oversized Californians, our Rox will host those poisonous desert-dwellers the Diamondbacks on Monday, April 18, and Tuesday, April 19. The D-Backs are suffering Johnson envy; their former Unit sealed his deal with the devil (not affiliated with the Devil Rays) by hurling the nefarious Yankees to their 9-2 trouncing of the Red Sox on April 3.
But beer and starless lineups aren't the only draws for this home stand. Predictions are made to be broken; just ask the weatherman. Take yourself out to the ballgame to scoff at physicists' and hitters' Newtonian theories about the "rarefied air" inside our rare west-facing ballpark. Feel good about the potential of young "Gen R," which boasts major league baseball's lowest average age. Praise its youthful anonymity when beheld against the louder backdrop of steroid-shooting, season-canceling, fan-attacking rapists listed on court dockets as the Professional Athletes of America.
Ticket prices range from $4 to $47, so bring your Rockpile attitude and binoculars, and save your dollars for peanuts. For more information, call 800-388-ROCK or go to www.coloradorockies.com. -- Ben Hiller
Hog-Tied Easyridersbrings its baddest bikes to town. SAT, 4/16
When your street's too quiet, gas is worth its weight in platinum and Detroit seems like the capital of Japan, then all signs point to Sturgis, South Dakota. For local hog-straddlers and chopper jockeys who won't be attending that city's annual bikefest, the Easyriders V-Twin Bike Show '05, revving up from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. today at the Colorado Convention Center, 700 14th Street, is the next best thing.
Presented by quintessential motorcycle mag Easyriders, the show's headliners are vulcan engineers known for their metalworking abilities and the variety of their chrome creations. Additionally, leather-throated Southern rockers will perform, leather-faced Harley queens will fight for a place in the concession line, and enough leather chaps and jackets will be sold to make even your Aunt Hattie look tough.
Beer and other fuel will be available for purchase by adults, whose admission tickets are $16. Children six to twelve pay $7 apiece but must make do with non-alcoholic brands. Li'l Hells Angels ages five and under roll for free. Tickets are available at the Convention Center box office or by logging on to www.easyridersevents.com. For information, call 1-800-962-9857. -- Ben Hiller