Kelly Osbourne

Here's more proof that television eats its young.

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More About

• Pat Robertson
• Linda Perry
• Lene Lovich
• The Osbournes (TV Show)
• Celebrity News

In the beginning, The Osbournes worked because of the spotlighted family's near-complete obliviousness to what most of us regard as real life -- but as fame intruded, so did the sort of self-consciousness that can ruin a good time faster than a Pat Robertson sermon. In the process, young Kelly went from being an amusingly mouthy tantrum-tosser to just another wannabe pop star, albeit one with a budget big enough to hire producer/tunesmith Linda Perry, the woman behind Pink's "Get the Party Started." Sorry to say, this bash is a lot less entertaining. Osbourne's latest features utterly phony dance-club goth ("One Word"), Lene Lovich throwbacks ("Secret Lover"), electro meditations on topics that have squat to do with her personal experiences ("Suburbia"), and unintentionally amusing lyrics such as the "Redlight" declaration, "It's getting just a little creepy."

Actually, it's not nearly creepy enough. Despite all the assistance MTV money can buy, the results add up to Nothing.