Exactly what the trendy (read: expensive) bars around the corner along Larimer Square needed: a front porch. The Front Porch is a beautiful yet comfortable sanctuary for twentysomethings, like your coolest friend's parents' basement, complete with PlayStation. I walked in and ordered a more grown-up toy, an extra-dry vodka martini. I should have known better. Before ordering a martini from an unfamiliar bartender, always ask if he's familiar with drinking martinis. If the answer is no, order something else. But even though he put in a double dose of dry vermouth -- you know, extra dry -- I couldn't blame Mikey, the absolutely adorable bartender. After all, the first time martinis were in their heyday, his mother was a twinkle in his grandmother's eye. And the second time they became au courant, he was still in high school. So I decided to throw my notion of a proper cocktail right off the railing and asked what his peeps were ordering. Mikey suggested the Pootie Tang ($7), which practically landed my pootie right on the deck. Red Bull and orange juice were enhanced by a depth charge of Grand Marnier and Stoli Ohranj, for a delicious and dangerous cocktail. If you'd rather stay in the spirit of the place (and off your ass), Old Fences ($5.50) is a safe way to go; it's simply Southern Comfort with a splash of lime juice. Come on in and set a spell; the bar's open from 4:30 p.m. to 2 a.m. daily, and there's plenty of swinging at any hour on this Front Porch.